Do you look forward to going to bed every night because you are overworked and exhausted, or because you can’t wait to rip you partner’s clothes off? Do you initiate sex and intimacy whenever you feel the urge, or do you keep track of the last person who initiated sex and the duration in between? For most people involved in a long term relationship, some degree of boredom in the bedroom inevitably sets in.
Sometimes it occurs after 18 months, when couples simply can’t maintain the high level of passion they did at the start of their relationship. For others, the cause is stress, changes in lifestyle, or life changing events such as childbirth. Regardless of the reasons, there is no reason to succumb to boredom in the bedroom. Follow these tips for resurrecting the spark and you will maintain a healthier, happier and more sexually stimulating relationship with your partner for years to come.
It sounds like an old wives tale but it may, in fact, be the most relevant advice that you can follow: Do not go to bed angry. There are plenty of frustrating things that can occur during the day in your personal or professional life. However, when you take these frustrations into bed with you, you cross the line between your personal or professional life into your emotional and sexual one.
If you transfer you anger or frustration into your sexual relationship, you may cause permanent damage that is virtually impossible to undue, short of professional counseling. So don’t take your anger into the bed or the bedroom. Instead, take advantage of the opportunity that your partner provides you to release or overcome your frustration – its amazing what some steamy, spontaneous sex can do for your stress level.
Just as you must remember to separate outside forces from sexual ones, you must remember to separate your friendship from your sexual relationship. In any long term relationship, it is important that people remain best friends as well as “best lovers.” If the partnership sways too much in the direction of friendship, there is a good chance that sexual boredom will set in.
Again, it is important to keep things sexy and spontaneous – do things that the “friend” side of your partner would not expect. In a truly successful long term relationship, you must be able to maintain both the emotional connection and the physical one. So never stop looking at your partner and friend with those sexy bedroom eyes…
Another solution to avoiding boredom in the bedroom is more practical in nature – take the sex out of the bedroom. Initiating sex in different locations will take your partner off guard and make you and her both feel more erotic. If you are at home and you always do it in bed, for example, you might want to try the kitchen floor or counter, the shower, or the laundry machine.
If you really want to spice things up, pull over on the side of the road on the way to a family dinner, or press the emergency stop button during your next elevator ride, and surprise her with a quickie. Try something sexy and out of the ordinary every once in a while and she will be anything but bored with you for years to come.
In the effort to really keep her guessing, it is also a good idea to change the pace of your sexual encounters. If you believe the mantra that “slow and steady wins the race”, you are wrong. Once in a while, there is nothing wrong with “taking” your woman on a strictly stimulating sexual adventure that has nothing to do with love or romance. Though she may not admit it, she will appreciate the opportunity to succumb to her animal desires, and if there is not enough time, she should at least be willing to succumb to yours.
On the other hand, if you regularly engage in passionate quickies, turn the tables and slow things down. Extend foreplay and tease her – she will go mad for your efforts and before long, will likely turn the tables on you.
Another important element to change in your sex life in order to avoid boredom is your sexual timetable. Sex at night, in bed, at the end of the day is not ideal for most people, and frankly – it does get boring in a hurry. Try sex at different times of the day: right after a workout when your adrenaline is high and you are already sweated up; first thing in the morning before your shower and breakfast ritual; in the middle of the afternoon between meetings or appointments; or before dinner is served when your appetite is at its highest.
You’ll be surprised by the rush of energy and enthusiasm that an impromptu sex session can give your day. Feeling less bored in bed, you might even be inspired to do it again that evening…
When it comes to avoiding boredom, it is also important to ask yourself this: how sexy do I feel? If you don’t exercise regularly, engage in sex, practice masturbation or treat yourself to personally satisfying rituals, you may not feel very sexy at all. If you expect your partner to perceive you as sexy, you must maintain your interest in your own sexuality.
Try different things for yourself – look at some online porn without telling anybody, buy some sexy new briefs or boxers and where there during an at-home workout, or take some new sexy lotion or cream for a “test ride” before you introduce it to your partner. Avoiding boredom in the bedroom begins with preventing boredom with yourself.
Another key to resurrecting the spark is putting in some good old fashioned effort. Forget about who initiates what and when, and approach your women whenever the mood strikes you. Try to be more affectionate or intimate than you have ever been before, you might start a new trend in the relationship that carries you through any risk of boredom.
For example, insist that you perform oral pleasure on her for 4 days in a row. Or rub her back and buttocks when she wakes up in the morning. Heck, you might even try some old fashioned french kissing. Whatever effort you make to spice things up will pay off for you in the end, so forget about the checklist of favors and start putting out asap.
Other ingredients for avoiding boredom in the bedroom include communication, activity and openness. Don’t be afraid to try new things, even with an “old” partner. If you stay active, maintain a healthy outlook on life and your relationship, you will never lose the spark. If you need to resurrect it, you now have all the advice you will need, so get sparking and you will find the home fires burning in no time.