As the song says, breaking up is hard to do. But what about break-up sex? Is it possible to break up with someone and still have sex with them? What if the sex is even better than when you were together?
Unfortunately when it comes to break-up sex, there’s always more to think about than just getting laid. A one-night stand may not come with any commitments, but having sex with someone you once had a relationship with might surprise you.
What Is Break-Up Sex?
There are two different schools of thought on break-up sex. The first “definition” of break-up sex is having sex with someone knowing you are about to break up with them. They, of course, are unaware of this fact. This article isn’t about that kind of break-up sex! The other common understanding of break-up sex is having sex with someone that you are already broken up with, but have sex with anyway. This is where the real problems can start – should you or shouldn’t you have break-up sex? Will that ruin your break-up? Will that make her think you are back together? Should you just get laid anyway?
What’s The Big Deal About Break-Up Sex Anyway?
One of the most common myths about break-up sex is that it’s going to be the best lay of your life. Once the shackles of a relationship have been loosed, all that’s left is pure passion and lust, right? It may be partly true – you always want what you can’t have, right? And saying goodbye to someone you have come to love and care about can be very difficult without the proper send-off, right?
Yes, break-up sex can be good – it can be filled with passion, lust and everything that the relationship wasn’t. Knowing that you will likely never see this person again, much less have sex with them, is usually enough to spark passion in most people. And, knowing that the person that you’ve been intimate with is now off limits is often difficult for people to understand. Imagine one day you can kiss your girlfriend, and the next day you are broken up, but still instinctively reach out for her and touch her? This innocent touch can easily lead to a night of passionate love-making, which in some cases, might be the best way to end a relationship.
On the other hand, one of you might trick the other into having casual break-up as a way to keep the relationship going. Everyone’s broken up with someone who wanted to stay together, or had someone break up with them without wanting to. Imagine what a desperate person who didn’t want to break up with you might do? Maybe she would throw herself at you, calling it one last tryst but hoping it would reignite the relationship. This is where break-up sex can turn ugly.
A Guy’s Perspective On Break-Up Sex
I polled 3 close male friends to see what they thought about the break-up sex dilemma, and here’s what they had to say:
- Guy 1 – “The way I see it, sex is a good idea anytime you can get it. And what better person to have sex with one last time than someone you cared about and had a relationship with for some time?”
- Guy 2 – “Break-up sex is never a good idea. You broke up with this woman (or maybe she broke up with you) for good reason. I know this from first-hand experience. I went through a mutual break-up with this girl I was dating a while ago, and we were still sort of on friendly terms. One night we were just hanging out together, we had a little too much wine, and before you know it, it was 7am and we were waking up naked in her bed together. Sure, I got laid, but if I wanted to still have sex with this person, I wouldn’t have broken up with her in the first place. It created a very awkward situation, and we haven’t been on very friendly terms since.”
- Guy 3 – “I think it totally depends on the situation. There are some girls who don’t want to be in a serious relationship and maybe that’s why you broke up to begin with. Then having a tryst after you’ve officially called it quits is probably just going to be fun. But if you’ve just called off your engagement to a girl you’ve been with for seven years or something, and she calls you to get together for a coffee and you end up having sex, well, you may have big problems to deal with then. She’s probably going to think you are back together, or you may start to have feelings for her, even though both of you have decided that being apart is the best thing for you. The only advice I would give is to tread carefully when it comes to break-up sex.”
Should You Or Shouldn’t You?
Based on the advice above, it’s clear that everyone has a different perspective on break-up sex. It is up to you to decide whether it’s a good idea or not. Here are a few tips to keep in mind before you do anything:
- Remember how hard it is to break-up with someone. Maybe it took weeks to come to the decision; maybe she cried her eyes out but finally got over it, even though you tried to let her down nicely. Deciding to have break-up sex can undue all that hard, painful work, and put you back at square one with having to tell her you want to break up.
- Don’t try to have break-up sex with someone that you haven’t broken up with yet. Getting laid and then saying goodbye is mean and unnecessary. Plus, if you believe the hype that break-up sex (like make-up sex), might be the hottest sex you’ve ever had, then you’ll be missing out because she won’t know that it’s your last time together.