So you decided to see if the grass really was greener on the other side, or maybe you had an alcohol induced momentary lapse in judgment. Whatever the case may be, you fooled around and got caught. Lots of guys walk down this path at one time or another, so you aren’t the only one who wonders what the hell they were thinking.
This article will look at some of reasons men choose to cheat on their women, remedies and solutions to possibly salvage the relationship, and ways to prevent it from happening again. Even the best make mistakes now and again (did you see Tiger snap-hook his drive into the water on the 6th during the Bay Hill?) so don’t let your night of bad judgment lead to a lifetime of regret.
Crossing The Line
The first wrong step is the mistake. The chances are, however, you don’t make this mistake out of the blue. Cheating on someone you care about rarely happens by chance. It usually occurs as a result of build up of feelings or frustrations, with result being the ‘cheat’.
Another possibility is you have put yourself, intentionally, into a position where cheating becomes possible. For example, you might be flirting with her friends, or maybe a coworker. Spending time apart, although desirable, can also lead to multiple opportunities for cheats. So acting single while dating or married is never a good idea, as it often leads to problems down the line.
Why It Happened
Moral Weakness: Moral weakness does not have to be grounded in religion. Consider the fact that we all have a basic understanding how relationships work, and one of the cornerstones on that understanding is fidelity. Most relationships live and die on that clause, and many relationships go through hell and back but they work as long as fidelity remains intact.
Problems, Problems, And More Problems: Many people look for an excuse to explain their behavior, and friction or problems within the relationship sometimes act as a green light for immoral behavior. The short-term gain of feeling as though you have regained control over your partner is usually replaced by a feeling of guilt when the euphoria wears off.
Revenge: Also referred to as the ‘doctrine of relative filth’, taking revenge on your significant other by repaying her infidelity with one of your own is a common trap people spring. Although you might take satisfaction in momentarily regaining the upper hand in your relationship, this short-lived feeling will fade and will most likely exacerbate the problem at hand.
Stupidity And/Or Alcohol: Some guys feel that alcohol will excuse any and all behavior – it doesn’t.
Lack Of Experience: Just because your wife was your first, you do not have a built-in excuse to make up for lost time when the opportunity presents itself. If you are that bored, or if you think you missed out on something, buy some sex books and videos.
Sex: Sometimes when there is a problem in the bedroom, the other person in the relationship responds by looking for it elsewhere. The problem can range from boredom to frequency, or from erectile dysfunction to insatiability. No matter what the cause, the result is that someone goes looking outside of the marriage/relationship to get what they can’t get at home.
Can You Fix It?
Once the fun wears off, most guys start to feel guilty over what they have done – usually on the drive back home. That guilt weighs heavy on the mind, and if you got caught it weighs even more. So most guys will wonder if they can salvage their relationship, as the guilt is a reminder that you want the relationship to continue. Here are a few thoughts on how to go about the healing process.
Try Honesty. If there was a semi-legitimate reason for you to take this action in the first pace, there is a chance she will be open to a discussion. However, you must show genuine remorse, and demonstrate that this was one time slip. Plus, you must also address the reasons why it happened in the first place. Don’t play the blame game. You need to work together to keep your relationship intact.
Restore the lines of communication. Most relationship start to go wrong, when communication ends. If the end result is an affair, then you need to tackle the underlying causes. The first step to regaining that communication is telling her why you did it, and then keep talking. The worst thing you could do at this stage is for both of you to shut down verbally.
Restore trust. The act of infidelity is painful because you have breached the trust your partner has invested in you. Don’t expect that trust to come back just because you admitted your guilt. Now you have to prove to her by your actions and words that you won’t ever hurt her again. Be prepared for her to be suspicious for months, maybe years, but eventually you will regain her trust.
Sex life. The odds are good that your infidelity signals a problem with your sex life. After all, why would you seek an extramarital affair if you were fully sated at home? She will be feeling betrayed and guilty, so you need to approach the subject with care. Remember – she is not to blame, even if she is to blame. You need to have a healthy sex life in order to sustain a long-term relationship, so start exploring ways to make your sex life better.
In the end, you are either going to cheat or not based on factors that might only be relevant to you. But since you are in a relationship, you need to keep in mind the consequences. Aside from the possibility of bringing home an STD, you also might cause irrevocable harm to your relationship and a person you truly love. So try to stop the cheat before it happens, and keep in mind that couples who play together, stay together.