There’s nothing better than having free time and space to yourself – walking around in the nude, relieving yourself, eating in bed, sleeping with the television on, indulging in secret habits… these are the perks of male privacy that should never be interfered with. But what if she is invading on your time and space, and forcing you to share everything with her? Is any of your personal identity sacred in your relationship? Or do you have to give up all of your private habits, time and pleasure in order to keep her happy? The answer is simple – no. While sharing is an important aspect of a healthy relationship, it is not the only aspect. You need to put your foot down if she is overwhelming you with demands for a shared life 24-7. Here’s how…
A lot of women mistake the quantity of time spent in a relationship with the quality of time spent together. These two things should not be mistaken by any woman or man who are involved. For example, if you spend all morning and night together with you partner, seven days a week, you will get bored of each other at some point (… this is an inevitable part of every relationship). In this case, while the quantity of “sharing time” is extreme, the quality is the opposite – poor. However, if you spend three to four nights a week together, and use the other nights to visit family and friends or enjoy hobbies and activities, the quality of sharing decreases… but the quality of shared time is high! Imagine being excited to get into bed with her so that you can share all of the details of your day… this feeling will make both of you happy. If she is initially concerned about the idea of less “shared time” together, it is your job to make your time together more about caring for her. Care more, share less. Get it?
This same rule applies to all of the other small details of life that she wants to share with you. Does she try to share your razor, or toothbrush, or clothes? Does she expect shared access to your car and your credit card without even batting an eye? When it comes to sharing everything in your relationship, it is necessary to only share as much as you are comfortable with. This will depend, in large part, on how much trust you have. Sharing such things as expensive property and personal finances, however, is a decision that should not be taken lightly. Just as when she goes to use your personal effects every time she enters the bathroom – some things are sacred in a relationship. Don’t be afraid to keep them that way. It will be important be have boundaries with her in order to maintain your personal sanity and identity. Sharing everything is not the answer to an ideal relationship, so don’t be afraid to say no the “s” word every once in a while.
That said, you must also be very careful as to how you go about denying her free rein when it comes to sharing in your life. If she hears no too many times, she will interpret it as disinterest or disregard for her feelings. Therefore you must approach the subject of less sharing somewhat delicately. For example, if she insists that both nights of every weekend are date night, then suggest an alternative – that every second night of the week is date night, so that you can rest, and prepare and tempt yourselves for the next night of pleasure to come… When it comes to saying no in other circumstances, like when she goes to borrow your car or credit card, you might rather offer to give her a ride and tell her that your car and wallet are like your babies – you just need to have them around you at all times. All women like to hear the word “baby” come out of a man’s mouth. It reassures them that males can be sensitive creatures after all.
An understanding woman will appreciate your desire for some modicum of privacy and independence in the relationship. An insecure woman will not. There are several warning signs that you are likely involved in a losing battle when it comes to sharing in your relationship. For example, the last time you said no to lending her your car, did she take it anyways? Or when you closed the door behind you into a room in your house, did she follow you right in and leave it open? Does she insist on knowing who you are talking to on your cell phone every time that it rings? Warning – you may have a bit of a control freak on your hands, and this type of woman will insist that you share every part of your life and existence with her! She will likely have no appreciation for the concept of quality time versus quantity of time spent together. If you are a man who values your belongings, tv, or private time in the bathroom or shower, this woman will likely drive you mad!
Give the care more, share less approach to dating a try but if it doesn’t solve the current issue in your relationship (i.e. that you feel suffocated…!), then you would best be advised to start fresh with a more understanding and independent woman. In the end, a man can only be expected to care and share so much, before he can even really still call himself a man anymore! So share only in moderation, and always balance it out with some genuine caring for her emotions and opinions. The most successful relationship are those that strike a balance between what each individual desires and expects, and what the shared expectations and desires are of the couple together. So be realistic of yourself and encourage her to be the same – this will be the key to keeping the both of you happy down the road!