Can you fix a relationship that’s been damaged as a result of cheating? What should you do if you messed up just once, got caught and have been back-peddling ever since? Is there a hope in hell that your relationship can be fixed, or is she right in kicking you to the curb?
Your partner may think that once you’ve cheated, you will always have a tendency to cheat. Or maybe it’s you that’s been cheated on, and you want to know if it’s worth giving her another chance.
Common Signs Of Cheating
If you are reading this article, then you either have been cheated on, cheated on someone else, or suspect that you might be dating a cheater. For those of you who aren’t quite sure if your partner is cheating but are suspicious, then you should read about just some of the common signs of cheating.
- They go out a lot without you – Going out without your partner doesn’t mean you’re a cheater; however, let’s say your partner has recently taken to going out at night for a few hours and can’t really offer an explanation as to where they’ve been. This might be a significant sign that something is happening, and, combined with other signs, this might just mean you’ve got a cheater on your hands.
- A change in your sex life – If your partner is cheating on you, then you will most likely notice that something has changed. She may not want to have sex anymore (because she’s getting it elsewhere), or she might want to have it more frequently (because she’s feeling guilty and wants everything to appear normal).
- New friends, strange phone calls, private email accounts – A cheating partner may develop new friendships as an excuse for their otherwise unexplained absences. With new friends, they can always say they were out with them, without having to worry about the truth coming out. Private email accounts are also a good indicator – if he’s suddenly feels a need to have a private email or voice mail account, you have to wonder what he’s hiding, right?
Of course, there are many other signs of cheating. There are just a few to give you an idea of what to look for if you are suspicious. Assuming that it’s clear that your partner is cheating, it’s now time for you to figure out what you want to do about it. Forgive and forget or just dump them?
Regardless of who did the cheating, now that it’s out in the open (although perhaps not by choice), you need to learn how you can fix it, or if you can fix it at all. How do you put your trust back into someone that has cheated and lied to you? Is it a good idea? You don’t want to be a doormat who is just “standing by her man” (or woman), but there’s always room for forgiveness in any relationship.
The biggest obstacle to fixing a relationship damaged by cheating is the trust issue. If you cheated on your partner, she will have a really difficult time learning to trust you again. Here are some important points you need to know if you want to regain her trust:
- It’s the cheater’s responsibility – The key to regaining someone’s trust is to recognize that it’s your fault and your responsibility.
- It takes time – Just saying you won’t do it again won’t suffice. You need to show that you can be trusted and this can take a long time. If you really want the relationship to work, you will be patient and humble in trying to regain her trust.
- Don’t play the blame game – Even if there is a reason why you cheated on your partner, don’t throw that back at her because the fact of the matter is the cheater is the “bad guy” in this relationship and no excuses will change that fact.
- Start small – Big changes won’t happen over time. You need to start small to show her that you can be trusted. For example, if you met someone through an Internet chat room, stop using the Internet without her around. Small changes like this will show her you can be trusted.
- Details are important – The last thing you will want to reveal to your partner are the details of your affair. However, the cheating partner has no right to withhold these from the partner who has been cheated on. While the victim will want to know every little detail of every interaction, show some discretion is revealing all of these details. It won’t help to tell your partner how fantastic she was in bed, for example. On the other hand, without details, she won’t be able to understand what happened.
Sexual And Emotional Trust
An affair can involve having a deep emotional and/or sexual connection with another person. And even though a tryst may have been purely sexual in nature, you will have a hard time convincing your partner of that fact. Sexual infidelity is dangerous and not easily forgiven. If you have been having sex with other people, she will be hurt by this in two ways: first, you promised to be faithful to her, but weren’t and second, you put her life at risk by having sex with other people. Any number of STDs could pass from you to her and all because you were messing around.
Emotional trust is the other side of the coin. Some people find the act of sexual infidelity easy to forgive, instead finding it difficult to forgive the breach of emotional trust. Victims of cheating have to come to terms with the fact that their partner not only deceived them, but also created a strong emotional bond with another person, something that can be difficult to break.
Whatever your specific situation, take it slowly, be patient, and prepare yourself for the worst. Relationships can be very difficult at the best of times, but when one partner has cheated, it can take years to mend.