You know that awkward moment on a date when you start talking about something that she has clearly no interest in? Or worse yet, you realize, after you’ve pointed out why something is stupid, that she thinks that it’s great? Those are called conversation stoppers. There are many ways to ruin a first date and you don’t want to do that, right?
Killing the conversation with opinionated and argumentative conversation is one way to put an end to the mood. Asking her to marry you or move in with you is another way to end the date as well. Below are conversation killers – try to avoid talking about these topics on your next first date.
Unless you met your date at some kind of Bible camp or church single’s group, it’s probably best to avoid the topic of religion altogether. Talking about religion on a date will surely isolate your date because chances are you are both not practicing the same religion, or one of you may not be practicing any religion whatsoever.
Plus, religion tends to make people very argumentative and aggressive, particularly if they feel their religious beliefs are being questioned or mocked. There are so many other things to talk about on dates, so why bother trying to convert your date?
Just like religion, politics is an area that is best left alone, especially on a first date. Do you really need to know their thoughts on an independent Palestinian state? Do you really have to ask your date about whether she thinks legalized same-sex marriage is a good thing?
Unless you want to risk getting into a screaming match with your date, you should really try to avoid confrontational conversations. If you are looking to heat up your date, then you should try to woo her with flowers and chocolates instead of angering her with a right-wing political agenda.
Past Sexual Partners
For some reason, some people feel inclined to share their past sexual exploits with their dates. This is an absolute conversation stopper on any date. If you ever feel inclined to discuss this with a date, just ask yourself why would you want to share this information? What are you going to be getting out of it?
You may have slept with 50 women in the last three months and if you tell your date this, she’s not going to be impressed. Conversely, you may say that you’ve only been with one other person before her and this might get her thinking that there’s something wrong with you. Some things should remain your own private memories – please don’t share them with your date!
Failed relationships are yet another landmine of troublesome conversation topics. No one wants to be asked out only to find out that their date only wants to relive all the things that went wrong with the last relationship. Plus, if you just broke up with your former partner and want to talk about it, she will know immediately that you are simply rebounding from a failed relationship.
If your date asks you about previous relationships, it’s okay to talk about them briefly (i.e. if she wants to know if you are divorced, just tell her), but you should try to turn the conversation in a different direction quickly. Good relationships are hardly ever built on the shards of broken relationships so skip over your relationship past and concentrate on the future.
One time when I was on a first date with a guy, he told me that he almost married the last girl he had dated for six months. This wasn’t a turn-on, that’s for sure. It made me think that 1) he was desperate to get married if he thought marrying someone after 6 months was a good idea; 2) he was on the rebound from that relationship; and 3) he was looking to get married and fast.
Needless to say, this put me on edge for the entire date. Talking about marriage on a first date is pretty much forbidden. It will scare her off or show how desperate you are, or worse yet, result in a quickie marriage that ends poorly a year later. If you are one of those guys who doesn’t think dating is worthwhile unless you are dating to get married, then either don’t date or just keep that little tidbit to yourself.
How Fabulous You Are
Lots of men and women alike feel the need to brag about themselves. This isn’t a good idea for any date, not just a first date. No one wants to hear about how great you think you are, or about how much money you make.
Try talking to her about her – ask her about her job, her hobbies, her dreams, and her aspirations. If you are really interested in dating someone other than yourself, then you have to learn how to talk to people about their lives, not your own life.
If you are someone who finds it difficult to get to talk to someone that you don’t know very well, then you should try to plan your conversation ahead of time. Read up on a bit of everything – music, sports, news, entertainment – so that you can have something to talk about on your date. If she’s a huge movie buff, talk about your favorite movies. If she likes to cook, learn a bit about cooking and different types of food.
Having a meaningful and interesting conversation can sometimes be more difficult than you think, so don’t feel embarrassed if you have to plan out some conversation topics ahead of time. It’s better to be prepared than to deal with awkward silences all night!