Dating in Your Own Backyard

Published on Author GG RayLeave a comment


Work, play, sleep, repeat. With this routine, it often feels like meeting women is the last thing on your agenda. But sometimes the key to meeting girls is to peer into your own backyard – the coffee girl you smile at over your morning java, the bank teller you visit every payday, the waitress you see at every lunch break.

Here’s a guide to the RIGHT way to pick up the women who are already in your life in one way or another.


The place: Your day starts at a quarter to nine when you dart into the local coffee shop to get your boost for the day. You see her every morning, but you’ve never said much more than “black, one sugar” to her. Don’t let this chance slip by. By seeing her so often, you’ve got the perfect opportunity to strike up a conversation, and potentially, something more.

The type: Your typical cute coffee girl is young, comfortably trendy and well accustomed to the quirky caffeine addicts who come through the door. There’s a good chance she’s a university student, or some sort of artist (writer, painter, take your pick) or a hanger-on. These are all generalizations, of course – you might have happened upon the lone coffeehouse employee who loves math and is studying accounting. More than likely, however, the girl you’ve been eying over the expresso machine fits at least a few of the traits described above.

The bait: Provided you’re not too far out of the coffee girl’s age range (or provided she’s interested in older men), it’s time to start setting out the bait. Start with offhand compliments – but try to be creative. Be aware that she’s heard “you have beautiful eyes” from aspiring poets a hundred times before. For conversation helpers, try taking a book or notepad with you – at the very least, she’ll see you as more than a cubicle drone. If you don’t get a response, try carrying a newspaper opened to the arts and entertainment section. You can always comment on a new art gallery opening or an upcoming reading and check out her response.

The hook: Once you’ve recognized the possibility of mutual interest from the coffee girl, it’s time to move in. Make sure to keep it casual. Try stopping by after work – chances are her shift will just be ending, and your unscheduled afternoon appearance should tip her off. Tell her you were just on your way for dinner, and ask if she’d like to join you. This way, you avoid looking too serious. And if you’re rejected, no problem. You’ll keep your cool and avoid the stench of desperation that comes with too much planning. If this isn’t quite your style, stick with the newspaper trick – ask if she knows about the coming book launch this weekend, and if she shows interest, tell her you’re going, and you’d love to see her there.


The place: It’s your lunch break, and once again, you’re heading over to the restaurant down the street for a quick bite to eat. You usually spend your time hunched over the daily newspaper, or reviewing the files you should have left behind at your desk. This is your lunch hour – YOURS. Relax! And while you’re at it, take a few tips on how to hook up with that sexy waittress.

The type: Let’s face it: waittressing is a thankless job. She’s on her feet all day, she has to deal with customer complaints, and tips during the day don’t do a lot to compensate for the minimum wage pay. Chances are, she’s working here to support something else: either saving for education, doing what she loves on the side (this could be anything from charcoal sketches to whitewater rafting). There’s also a good chance she’s stalling at this job until something better comes along. Either way, this probably isn’t long-term – which means she’s probably dying to talk about her real interests, rather than chatting about the weather and the daily specials on the lunch menu.

The bait: The waittress is used to being hit on. Working the day shift is a little easier in that regard than the evening rush, but she’s probably still had her share of clumsy or drunken requests for a date. With this in mind, avoid the standard pick-up lines – she’s not going to believe them for a second. Instead, focus on impressing her as a gentleman. Be the sexy guy in the suit who comes in at lunch and remembers her name. Ask her how her day is going. Try to position yourself in the same section of the room every time you visit, and make sure it’s the section that she services. When she takes your order, ask her questions that are personal enough to show you’re interested, but casual enough not to frighten her. Whether or not she works long shifts, what her plans are for later, these are the kinds of innocent questions that will start to build a casual relationship.

The hook: Asking her out for dinner is a gamble – when she’s been around food all day, she might be having her dinner break on the job, or she might just be sick of being in a restaurant altogether. Assuming that you’ve spoken to her frequently and now know her name and at least a few things about her (she has a cat; she’s going on a trip to Hawaii in the spring), you’re probably able to make a guess at her type. If she seems like the party type, ask if she’d like to go for a drink after her shift is done. This leaves the door wide open for her to give a perfectly valid excuse: “I’m too tired,” and also lets you save face if she uses it. If she doesn’t seem like a bar-goer, ask if she’d like to go to a movie when she’s done work. Find out a few of the movies playing that evening in advance, and if she says she’s a fan of chick flicks, take her to the new Julia Roberts tearjerker. You might not enjoy the movie, but she’ll definitely enjoy the thought.


The place: Every two weeks, it’s time for a trip to the bank. Your business is one of the few in North America that doesn’t allow automatic deposits, and you’re generally stuck in line, cursing the little old ladies paying their phone bills in front of you. Here’s your first mistake. You’re missing a golden dating opportunity – the hot bank teller.

The type: The bank teller is a little harder to figure out. Depending on her age, she could be of a few different types. Like the coffee girl, she could be a student, working part time. If your bank is opened on Saturdays, there’s a good chance the sexy teller who makes your deposits is earning cash to pay tuition. On the other hand, many bank tellers are young professionals, looking to work their way up in the company to a management position. These women are motivated – and carrying a tattered book of poetry might not work with them.

The bait: Here’s the big point to remember – all the BS in the world won’t be effective on the bank teller. Not only does she deposit your cheques, she can also see a ton of your personal information – how much you have in your account, your phone number, even your age. Honesty is definitely the best policy in this case. Don’t pretend you’re a big spender; she knows if there’s only four hundred dollars hovering in your bank account. When it comes to the bank teller, compliments are great, and sympathy can go a long way. She’s had a tough day, and sharing a laugh can make it a lot brighter. Here’s another point to remember: she’s in a professional environment, which means she might appreciate a professional approach from you.

The hook: Here’s the catch with bank tellers: asking them out during their work hours is sticky business. Some women might find it tacky; others might worry that the boss won’t approve. Either way, she might say no simply because she won’t want to seem unprofessional. Your best bet is to find common ground, and avoid flat-out asking her on a date while she’s working. Ask her about her plans for the weekend; tell her if you’re planning on going to a concert or show. If she’s not busy, suggest that she check it out. This is the safest route to go – like the coffee girl technique, there’s no pressure on her to say yes, and since it’s not directly a date, she won’t be worried about her boss’s reaction. If you’re feeling like a risk taker, tell her to call you if she needs any more info. If she says she doesn’t have your number, play it coy – tell her she can probably find it in your file. She’ll appreciate not being put on the spot, and chances are, she’ll also like your no-pressure strategy.

We often look way too hard when searching for the right mate. And typically, the harder we look, the harder it is to find that special someone. But don’t get discouraged! Possible relationships are often right in front of your eyes, only an arms length away. So change your perspective, use some tact and try to get that girl that you’ve already been smiling at on a day-to-day basis. Who knows, she just might be the one you’ve been looking for all along!

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