It’s hard to imagine being a beginner when it comes to dating, especially post-puberty. However, there are lots of guys out there who get involved in long term relationships at a young age and when that relationship ends they suddenly find themselves thrust into an unfamiliar dating world. The old trick of chasing her around the playground and punching her in the arm no longer seems cute, and it could get you arrested!
This article will focus on simple pick up tips and strategies for people who are recently single, or maybe just going through a rough patch. So keep reading, and learn how to take the first steps toward your new dating experience.
Step #1: Selecting Your Desired Target
Since you have been out of circulation for some time, you might have that tendency to immediately want to head to the top of the food chain for your sustenance. That’s where all the pretty ladies are, so of course that is what you want. Well, it usually doesn’t work out quite that simply. Just because you think she’s the one for you, it does not mean that she is single, interested, or feeling the same vibe. Yes, you should try and figure out the kind of woman you want, as well as the kind of relationship you desire. But start slow, and work your way up.
Let your family, friends and coworkers know you are single and see what happens. A few trial dates with other people’s sisters, cousins, and single friends might just be what you need. Plus, since you just exited a relationship, these women will be more forgiving if you are unwilling to commit. Remember not to be picky, and take this opportunity to meet new people and relearn how to date.
Tip: Don’t scare off a potential partner by being too needy, or by trying to take her from first date to long-term relationship in 24 hours – remember the phone call scene from Swingers!
Step #2: Selecting Your Hunting Ground
One of the hardest things to do when you start dating after a long dry spell is to figure out where you should go to look for new people to date. Once you have exhausted the introductions set up by your friends, family, and coworkers, you will need to move on to new territory. The obvious choice is to head to single bars with your few remaining single friends. However, those friends have been single their whole lives for a reason, and single bars may not be the best place to go looking for a serious relationship.
You should try cool bookstores, dating clubs (on and off line), co-ed sports, health clubs, and even your workplace. Try and do things you are already comfortable doing, so you won’t feel awkward or afraid to participate. That being said new is good and you should try and break out of your habits.
Tip: Imagine the kind of woman you want to be with, and then figure out where she might be. For example, if you like women who play sports, then look for places where she might be partaking in sporting activities (rollerblading in the park, jogging at the beach, etc.)
Step #3: Attracting The Opposite Sex
So you know what you like and you know where to look. Now what do you do? Here are a few general tips that will make you more appealing, and help you lose the nerves.
- Be conversational. Be up to date on current events, the latest movie, TV series, Internet craze, etc. That way you will end up talking about something other than your recently ended relationship, and you won’t be left out if people start talking about things you should know about.
- Be friendly. Don’t kill the deal by coming across as desperate or overly shy.
- Be forward, not aggressive. Women like it when men take charge, but many hate it when men get aggressive and obnoxious. So initiate the conversation, but don’t smother her with crude comments or by trying to close the deal to quickly.
- Know your range. We all have a rough idea of the range (type, age, looks, etc.) of partners we are most likely to attract, and this range is usually based on past experiences. So trying to pick up a supermodel that is 10 years younger than you is probably not the best place for you to be focusing your energy.
- Be original. Women are not looking for you to come up with the most original pick up line, they just don’t want you to be a loser or for you to make them feel cheap.
- Don’t be sad or desperate! People can smell fear and desperation from a mile away, so make sure your conversation focuses on your positives.
- Be prepared. Be ready to speak on a few subjects, so that you can control the conversation and avoid lapses.
Step #4: Closing The Deal
Most guys fail to the close deal due to uncertainty, not for lack of opportunity. Women only have so much patience, and many women do not want to come across as being too aggressive. So this means that you have to do all the work, and your chance to date this person may only come around once. The old saying about first impressions is true, so you need to make sure you recognize the signs that she is interested. Is she maintaining eye contact? Is she laughing at your jokes? Is she leaning in toward you? Is she touching you? All of these signs are good ones, but she is still waiting for you to make the first move. She may not be looking for anything other than you to ask her out, so don’t kill things by asking her back to your place. Patience is a virtue!
The worst thing about being single again is fighting off loneliness and the pain of your lost relationship. But the best thing about dating again is the opportunity to meet new people, learn new things, and you get the opportunity to fall in love with someone from scratch. So don’t wait to long before you jump back on the horse, and before you know it you will be nesting with someone new.