In the digital age the art of letter-writing has gone to the wayside – and with it has gone the fun of penning erotic letters. It’s high time this sexy activity was revived, and what better time than in the post-Christmas, pre-Valentine’s Day haze? By the time February 14th roles around, she’ll be putty in your hands!
There’s a reasonably good chance your English teacher never taught you the basics of writing a great erotic letter, and it’s a shame – letters are a great way to share all the intimate confessions you’d never have the guts to speak out loud. For this article, we spoke to Aspasia Fern, erotica advice columnist, for her top suggestions on penning a steamy erotic letter.
“With respect to erotic letters, it is very important to know the woman you are sending a letter to and what her desires are, including your willingness to fulfill them,” says Aspasia.
In other words, a steamy erotic letter might not be something you want to approach until a few months into the relationship, or at least until you reach the point that you know her reasonably well. If you try it out too early, you might soon find that you don’t know your partner as well as you thought you did, and her response to it might be entirely different from what you’d expected.
Assuming you do know your partner, give the letter some thought before putting pen to paper. Think about what kind of woman it will be addressed to – Shy? Adventurous? Coy? All the facets of her personality should be considered. If she’s particularly outgoing and humourous, a letter with a funny streak wouldn’t be inappropriate. On the other hand, if she’s a very serious romantic, she might not appreciate a sexy letter peppered with jokes.
“As you sit down to write, remember that women want to feel heard and desired,” says Aspasia. “Also, make sure you have a full appreciation of what turns her on sexually and sensually.”
While you’re the author, this letter isn’t intended for you, so it shouldn’t play out like your favourite movie sex scene or your top porn star fantasy. You need to keep her in mind at all times. This is a letter for her, probably about her, and likely praising her.
If you aren’t sure where to start, begin lightly. This is probably wise if you’re not sure how adventurous she really is, or if it’s the first letter you’ve sent to her. If you’re at a loss for places to begin, talk about aspects of her personality that appeal to you most, or some of the best memories you’ve shared with her. From there you can gradually move into sexier subjects (perhaps your favourite places on her body) and more interesting scenarios (what you’d like to do to those places, for example).
There’s nothing wrong with creating a rough draft before writing out the real thing. Starting with a piece of scrap paper and some ideas of what you’d like to write about is a simple and easy way to organize your thoughts before writing the final letter. Besides, she’ll never know unless you tell her. For the very dedicated, you might even want to type up the letter first on your computer.
Once you do start on the real letter, take it slow. If you rush through it you might make mistakes, and the last thing you want is to get caught up in minor errors. Thinking about each line before you write it is an important technique to make sure you avoid saying something that might make her uncomfortable.
Although you might have it in your head to write epic declaration of lust, this is one area where length really doesn’t matter. “Size and appearance don’t matter as much as the content itself,” says Aspasia. So whether it’s 10 pages or 1, it’s what’s inside that counts.
While a typewritten letter is ok, something in your own handwriting will probably be more special to her. Typing can seem a little cold, and a handwritten letter is that much more personal. And while you’re at it, don’t forget to put the date on one of the top corners!
Another writing consideration is the elimination of spelling errors. The last thing you want in the midst of a sexy letter is a line like “I’d like to kiss your beasts.” If you’re writing rather than typing, it’s less likely than you’ll make an error like this. And if you choose to type it first, run a computer spelling check to see if there are any words you might be uncertain of. Either way, read over the finished product a few times to make sure there are no glaring mistakes.
At the same time, don’t get too hung up on details. While it’s great to strive for the best, chances are she won’t care very much whether you use “than” instead of “then” (unless she’s a copy editor by trade).
“The letter should be written in your voice, but speak completely to her and upon receipt, she will melt like butter,” says Aspasia.
While sexy emails or notes left under a door have their own appeal, sending a letter by mail gives the gift a special charm. It should always be sent via post because it’s more meaningful,” says Aspasia. “The letter should be as tangible as the thought behind it.”
In your letter, you might also invite her to pick up a pen and write you back. This can be a fun way of exploring your mutual desires, and the heightened anticipation of waiting for a letter in the mail can make things even steamier. The tone of her response could also help you to write a second letter, if you so choose. If she seems playful and excited about the idea, feel free to be a little more explicit. And if she’s more reserved, try taking things a little slower.
One of the most important things is to write openly and freely about your feelings and desires. If you get too wrapped up in writing the perfect letter, you’ll stop viewing this is as a fun game between lovers and start to regard it as homework. Remember, writing the letter should be half the fun. The rest of it should come after she opens the envelope!