Knowing the difference between hot sex and true love is a learned art. Although there are still people out there who meet their true love when they are kids and then proceed to marry them right after highschool, for the rest of us it often proves more challenging. And if you are one of those people who moves in with every one they date, then knowing when you are with the right one instead of the next one can save you a lot of grief.
This article will give you tips on what to look for before the passion has waned, so you can get out of the relationship while the coals are still hot enough to BBQ on.
Stage One: You Meet Someone New
Love at first sight does happen, so it can’t be ruled out altogether. But what is more important is the type of meeting you have with that new special someone. The environment you meet her in, the people you are with, the topics discussed, what you have in common – all have an impact on that first meeting, and all of these things can direct the initial phase of your relationship. Here are some examples:
Bar or Club
Most people are embarrassed to even admit that they met their significant other in a nightclub. The reason for this is that these establishments cater to singles that are trying to get laid. It doesn’t mean you can’t meet the love of your life here, but the odds are good the relationship will be starting off as a sexual one.
Dating service organizations (DSO) have grown wildly in popularity thanks to the Internet. Many people are using them as a way to meet a long-term partner, although there are many which are created for those looking for sex. Assuming you are looking for love and not lust, try one of the larger DSOs, like LavaLife.
Another good place where people meet long-term partners. The reason for this is that she is probably a friend or coworker of a good friend, so there is pressure to take this person more seriously. Plus, you often find women at these parties who will not go to a bar to meet guys, so there is an expectation that you are of the same frame of mind.
Here you are dealing with a fellow coworker. You have commonalities in that you can discuss work, coworkers, etc. This will bring a level of intimacy that you don’t always get with a new acquaintance. There is also added pressure to not treat this as a lustful one-night stand, since you have to see each other every day.
- The more talking involved, the more likely you will develop into a serious relationship.
- The more you have in common – friends, interests, work, etc. – the more likely you are on the path to love.
Stage Two: You are Now Dating
Now that you have started dating, at some point you will need to decide if this relationship is love or is it just lust – sex with a good friend. This may sound overly simplistic to some, but for those who struggle with the question “What is love”, it is very important. Here are some ideas of what you should be looking for.
- You would rather have sex than have a conversation.
- When she is talking to you, your eyes wander to her breasts.
- When she is naked or partially clothed, you feel the need for instant gratification.
- You have no interest in her feelings.
- You rarely go out.
- You avoid her friends and family.
- Long-term commitments seem pointless or tiring.
- When you do have a conversation, you find you have little in common.
- When you go out with friends, you usually end up talking to your buddies and leave her to fend for herself.
- You often sexualize her by what you say and do.
- You actually know very little about her when asked, and would rather tell your buddies how amazing she is in bed or that she is hot.
- You want to hear about her day.
- You have meaningful discussions about the future.
- You have much in common, and your conversations are interesting.
- Sex is amazing, and you care enough to make sure she loves it as much as you do.
- You put her needs above yours.
- The longer you are together, the better it gets.
- You start to care about her family and friends, the same way you care about your own family and friends.
- Although your eyes may wander, your heart never does.
- You start to create memories together that are meaningful, not just great sex memories.
- She becomes your best friend.
Stage Three: Can You Ever Be Sure?
The short answer to the question is yes, but love is very personal to the individual, so there may never be a light that goes off for you. Love is subtle. It can sneak up on you in ways you can’t imagine. It might be a look one day, or a thoughtful gesture, or maybe a crisis in your lives that brings you closer together.
You may never be the guy who needs to constantly tell her you love her, or to be the ‘over-the-top’ romantic who always thinks up some special thing. This doesn’t mean you don’t feel love, it just means you feel and express love differently than the next guy – as well you should.
The main difference between lust and love is really simple. Love will stand the test of time, but lust won’t. Love will still make a relationship worthwhile and interesting for years, but lust loses its shine after a few months.
So if you want to know the difference, analyze your relationship using the examples we gave in this article. How your relationship started usually dictates how it will turn out. And like fine wine and cheese, it takes time to develop into something amazing.