If you have ever been in a relationship that ended abruptly and are left wondering what happened, then this article is for you. It is rare when a relationship ends quickly without a cause. The signs are always there, if you know what to look for. The end of the relationship is the tip of the iceberg, or the culmination of a series of events that lead to the decline.
This article will give you tips on what to look for, signs that trouble is brewing, and ways to spot – and stop – the smoke before the fire burns you out. So keep reading, and hopefully you can avoid being the guy who moans to his buddies, “Dude – I didn’t even see it coming!”
Most relationships evolve as time goes on, so changes in your relationship may not necessarily indicate there are problems brewing. However, changes to the way she acts towards you may indicate there is a deeper problem. Think of your relationship as a structure. If the foundation is strong, the structure can withstand changes and still stand. If the foundation is weak or comes under attack, then the entire structure is at risk.
Here are some key signs that may come early in a relationship, which can lead to a serious crisis or termination of the relationship.
She starts spending more time than normal apart from you
Most couples lead their own separate lives, so it is normal and healthy for your relationship to spend time apart. But if she suddenly is going out of her way to be apart from you, this could mean she wants to be away from you. It may not mean that she is having an affair, but she is now actively trying to be in places and situations that exclude you.
Her interest level in you begins to decrease
When you first start dating, you are both very excited and thrilled to learn things about each other. As time goes on, this interest will decrease to some degree because you may have learned all there is to know, but the overall interest level will remain high – after all, you are both in love. If she is uninterested or bored with what you do apart from her, it could be another sign that a crisis is brewing.
She is less interested in sex
As far as warning signs go, this is a three-alarm fire. Even though your relationship may not have started with sex, it is a vital component of it now and should not be ignored. Disinterest in sex may indicate that she is bored, or that she is uninterested in you. In either case, you need to find out the cause and make changes fast; otherwise she may go looking elsewhere.
She is VERY interested in sex
Although this may seem to contradict point #3, a renewed interest in sex is also a warning sign. Prior to having an affair – and during an affair – your partner may go through a phase where she is very interested in sex with you. Why? Mainly because she is fantasizing about someone else, and bringing all that excitement and ‘freshness’ into the bedroom. As the old saying goes … “Love the one you’re with.”
She wants to go out all the time
This need to be with other people is also a sign of trouble. What she is really saying is that she is either bored being alone with you; uninterested in the possibility that being alone with you will lead to sex or; she doesn’t want to be alone with you because it makes her realize that she doesn’t want be with you anymore.
She encourages you to go out with your friends
This is a tricky one because she may just want you to go out and have fun. But if she is constantly pushing the idea, then you should be aware of any ulterior motive on her part.
Her friends and family start treating you differently
Her friends can be a good indicator of trouble, since she will confide any problems to them first. Watch out for ‘tips’ from her best friend. If you ask her friend about why your girlfriend is acting in a certain way, her response will let you know if the topic has been discussed already. The friend might reveal what is wrong by suggesting ways to correct it.
The way you communicate changes
Most healthy relationships involve excellent communication, and avoid fights by talking through problems. When things start to go wrong, fighting and silence replace problem solving and communication. The lack of communication is a major problem, as this is the main way couples connect with each other. The best solution to this problem is not to let it happen in the first place. Ask anyone who has been married a long time and they often say they never go to bed mad. Why? Because it allows the problem to fester and mutate, and rarely gets talked through the way it should.
She starts becoming overly dependent on you
If she starts ‘clinging’ to you and the relationship, there is definitely something wrong. This could be a sign that she knows the relationship is doomed, but she is too afraid to face that reality. Like a person on a sinking ship, she will hang on tighter and tighter until it goes under.
She starts to sabotage the relationship
Nobody likes confrontation, especially when it is with someone they care about. This is why a lot of people will try and get the other person to do the dirty work. So she may want to break-up with you, but not have the courage to do it. Instead, she starts to act differently so that you are eventually forced to break things off with her. That way she can exit the relationship guilt and worry free, and you are left wondering what happened to the person you fell in love with.
Are there solutions to the problem?
The short answer is yes, but the long answer is probably not. Spotting the potential for disaster may not avert it, but it will at least allow you to begin a dialogue with your partner. The key to averting a crisis is catching it earlier, and then start damage control. So be aware of the changes that occur in your relationship, so that you can quickly deal with the smoke, rather than the raging fire.