There are some things a girl just doesn’t need to know. No matter how honest and trustworthy you want your girlfriend to think you are, if you know what’s good for you and her, you had better keep your mouth shut when it comes to certain topics. Don’t listen to that self-help book she bought that tries to convince the two of you to share every secret with each other. And it’s not lying if you just don’t bring it up.
Your sexual past
Probably one of the areas that’s going to cause the most curiosity and potential problems is your sexual history. How many women have you slept with? Who have you slept with? Have you ever had a threesome?
Even if she is the last woman you ever want to sleep with, and you’ve never had better sex in your life and she’s a wildcat that is willing to try out every position imaginable, one thing is important—women don’t forget. She will always remember that she’s number 27 on your list of hot babes you banged, and even if she says it doesn’t bother her—chances are she’s had an exciting sexual history herself—she will remember this and use it against you when you least want to remember.
Plus, every time you and her run into a female friend of yours that she hasn’t met before, and you introduce your current girlfriend to her, she is going to be wondering if “that girl” was another notch on the bedpost or if you are really telling the truth when you say she is just a friend. And remember, the number of people you and her have slept before getting together is completely irrelevant to your current relationship.
Your past relationships
Besides sex, the other thing your girlfriend might fixate on and want to know more about are your past relationships. How many serious girlfriends have you had? Did you ever cheat on them? Are you a commitment phobe? Is there an old girlfriend that you are secretly pining over?
These kinds of questions are much trickier to lie about and much of it you should tell your current girlfriend about. I mean, letting her know that yes, you were engaged once before but broke off the engagement 4 months before the wedding is something she might really want to know and will very likely find out on her own from your friends or family; the time you simultaneously had sex with a prostitute, a stripper and a dwarf, well, that’s another matter.
As for telling her if you cheated on a girlfriend that is going to depend on your relationship with her. This might really make her mad and distrustful of you; on the other hand, some girls might not care, realizing that it would probably be immature to generalize from that one relationship that you are likely to cheat on her.
Unless you’ve been together for a long time and you are thinking about getting married and getting a joint bank account, this probably shouldn’t matter to her and if she keeps asking how much money you make, figure it’s a tip that she’s a golddigger. But, if you are unemployed and mooching off of her, then don’t be surprised when she constantly nags you about how you are spending your money.
And if you happen to be in debt and owe a lot of money to the Tax Man, this isn’t something you should bring up on the first date. It’s going to worry her that you don’t know how to manage your money, even if your debt is from something legitimate like student loans, and she’ll wonder why you are sharing this much information about your personal financial matters.
Some things you should probably share with her
Don’t hide everything from her. If she’s looking through your old photo albums and happens to see a picture of you with your arm around some old girlfriend, don’t freak out and try to hide them. Of course you’ve had past relationships and if she happens to see a picture of an old girlfriend, it’s not a big deal.
At some point, however, you’re going to have to say goodbye to those pictures and move on. One guy I knew kept up numerous pictures of his ex-girlfriend of several years—even when he started to bring home new girlfriends. It’s one thing to have these pictures in the closet; it’s another to have them in large frames above your bed.
Another thing you should probably share is anything that is going to compromise her health or safety. So, if you’ve got a case of genital warts, this is something you might want to talk to her about, not share with her. Better yet, don’t start dating until you’ve gotten that all cleared up.
The dangers of keeping secrets…
If she’s going to find out anyway, you might want to think about telling her before this happens. Like if you were in jail for a year on an assault charge and you don’t tell her, chances are your friends or family will accidentally let that slip and then she’ll wonder if she really knows you at all. But if it’s going to hurt more than help, then mum’s the word.
A good and easy way to figure out what to tell her and what not to tell her comes after you’ve been in a relationship with her for some time. If she’s the jealous type, maybe it’s a good idea not to talk about previous relationships. If she’s pretty easy going and is just curious, there’s nothing wrong with saying you dated someone for two years, and while you loved her at the time, you were both changing and moving in different directions. Don’t tell her how hot the sex was though. That’s just suicide!