Learning From Each Other: How To Discuss Sex In A Productive Way

Published on Author GG RayLeave a comment


Learning is for life, but it shouldn’t just be limited to work and school. Sex education comes in all forms, and adults who want to enhance their sex life should stay on top of the latest trends and concepts.

This article will offer advice and tips on how to keep sexually educated, how to separate the good information from the bad, and a few other ideas that will all help to enhance your sex education and improve your sex life. Today we are going to focus on learning from each other – how to discuss sex in a productive way, so that you both benefit from each other’s wants, needs, and experience.

Getting Started

Any form of learning requires a few necessary ingredients: a desire to learn and access to information. These two factors combine together to make for an interesting mix when sex education is involved, as your partner is the one who is providing the information – which can be awkward – and you both must have open minds. Most people are inherently shy when it comes to discussing sex, which is a result of years of school and or parental enforcement of sexual ignorance.

Sex was a topic rarely, if ever discussed, and many of us did not learn about it until we actually started practicing it. To complicate matters further, many of us do not want to hear or benefit from our partner’s past sex life. Even worse, talking about sex can be very embarrassing, particularly if one of you is trying to encourage the other to do something that they are not currently doing. So where to begin? Here are a few key steps that will help you talk about sex in a productive way.

Common Ground

A lot of people never discuss sex with their partners, other than as a prelude to actually having sex. But since you may want to try new things, or explore some new techniques – talking about it might be the only way these things start to happen. So your first step is to start by talking about things that you both agree on or feel comfortable with, and then you can move on to more in-depth topics.

Furthermore, timing is very important. You should probably try broaching sex in conversation either after or during, rather than springing it on her while you having breakfast. For example, if she did something that you enjoyed during sex, tell her how great it was when you were done. Use that as your starting point, and then get her to tell you if there was anything she liked, or if there was something that you could do better.

Take Baby Steps

Because talking freely about sex is not something most people do in a relationship, it might take some time before you can engage openly about issues concerning your lovemaking. The initial inroads you make are going to be more general, with the aim to opening up your conversations to more and more intimate material. Don’t start telling her how great your ex-girlfriends were in bed, as this might backfire and make your current girlfriend feel inadequate.

Conversely, she might open up too quickly and tell you things you are doing that displease her, which might result in your ego taking a battering. So during this stage, build up your ability to talk freely about sex in a healthy way, so that you can move on to the point where you share some mutually agreed upon goals.

Learning From Each Other

When you were growing up, sex was a big mystery, full of discoveries and new things. As sexually mature adult, your focus should now be less on discovering new things on your own, and more on how you can discover new things to make each other sexually satisfied. Remember – the longer you are in a relationship, the more likely it is that you will need to keep things fresh and exciting for each other. Each of you brings different sexual experiences to the bedroom, and there is no reason why you shouldn’t both benefit from that experience.

Even if one of you was a virgin, then maybe you have fantasies about things you never had a chance to do? But the most important thing to focus on at this stage is getting each other to talk about what you want and, more importantly, what you are willing to do.

Some other tips:

  • Make her feel sexy, not slutty. If you show a genuine interest in wanting to please her, she will reciprocate.
  • If you have an open mind, so will she.
  • Each of you should write down what you want and are willing to do, cut them into little slips of paper, and then put them in a “sex jar”. Then you can take turns choosing one item a week to try out. When the jar is empty, make a new list.
  • Keep it private! If she finds out you are telling your friends about your intimate conversations, she will stop talking. Remember to respect her privacy, and to create an atmosphere where she feels comfortable discussing anything.
  • Reward each other by respecting each other’s boundaries. You can’t force her to do something she is uncomfortable doing, but you can help address her concerns and maybe figure out ways to make her feel more comfortable trying out something she is unsure of.

The goal of this article was to give you a starting point for a healthy sexual relationship that involves talking and listening, not just doing. Knowledge can be a powerful tool, so learning about your partner’s wants and needs will benefit you in many ways. And keep in mind that talking about sex in a mature way will have a tremendous benefit for you – more and better sex! So help to establish the lines of communication, and start educating each other on how to make each other sexually satisfied in entirely new ways.

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