Have you ever wondered what the limits of your relationship are? Most people get themselves into a secure, happy space and never dream of what they might or might not be able to get away with. But pushing your relationship to its boundaries and beyond can make life a lot more interesting, and not necessarily in a bad way.
Think of this concept as being similar to a workout regime. If you do the same workout all the time, you body eventually adjusts and you end up deriving limited benefits. But if you change things up every 3-6 months, you are constantly pushing your body to do more, and you end up being much healthier than you would otherwise. The same holds true for relationships. If you push the boundaries every so often, you might be pleasantly surprised with the results.
Goals For Guys
The first thing that might cross your mind when you think of how far you can push a relationship might be if you can get away with cheating on your significant other. Although this might be your fantasy, it might be a bit of leap for someone who wants to push their relationship more slowly.
Plus, you do not want to push it over the edge, as there are always lines that can’t be crossed in every relationship. So rather than start with your end-goal, you should focus on something more realistic. But let’s look at the issue of other women first, and see just how far is too far.
For most relationships, other women are the main sore point. So if you want to use a friend, co-worker, ex, or stranger to push your relationship, keep these guidelines in mind:
It’s not cheating when…
- You have conversations with them.
- You have lunch with them.
- You hang out with them.
- You chat online with them.
- You play – sports, after work drinks, dinner, etc. – in mixed company with them.
It’s getting closer to cheating when…
- She starts calling you when she knows your partner isn’t around, and vice versa.
- You share secrets with her that your partner doesn’t know about.
- You lie to your partner about things to do with her (and it’s worse if the new girl knows you told the lie).
- You go out alone with her at night.
- You confide in each other that you have feelings for each other.
It is cheating when…
- You have sex with her. Isn’t that always how it works?
- You begin to have serious conversations about how much you like/love her, and you start planning the end of your current relationship.
Depending on the kind of relationship you have with your partner, you might be able to go fairly far with a relationship with another women before she starts to get territorial and lay down some restrictions. But pushing things with another female can make things very interesting on the home front, so it is worth the risk.
If your partner gets jealous, she might respond by becoming more competitive. This means she will start doing things to please you in order to lure you back to her side. If she gets angry, it might still result in her doing things – consciously or unconsciously – in order to win you back.
If she gets upset, you can use that angle to leverage more from your relationship, and you will still benefit from her trying harder to make you happier. Even if she decides to ‘fight fire with fire’, you will still end up having some crazy-ass jealous sex, so it is definitely worth trying to see what transpires. Who knows? You might even end up in a three-way with one of your new girlfriends!
Bringing up an old girlfriend while you are in bed together:
Although this may sound like a weird idea, it has been tried and it works. Your bed is a private sanctuary that the two of you share, and bringing up an ex-girlfriend during sex will throw your current girlfriend off balance. She will go out of her way to make sure you don’t think of your ex, and you will get some sweet loving.
Mentioning something your ex used to be good at – in or out of the bedroom:
Once again, forcing your current girlfriend to compare herself to an ex is an interesting exercise. You might even do this by mentioning how your current one is better, but then mention some other area where she isn’t.
Non-Female Related Pushes
The Boys: Other women might be the major way to push your partner, but a lot of guys use ‘the boys’ to test the limits of their relationship. This can be more common when she does not know your circle of friends, and if you have been single for a while. She will feel threatened and try to keep you away from them, and they might react the same way. If you cave in early, you will have a hard time changing things down the line.
Sports: From golf to baseball, guys have used the watching and playing of sports as a way to push relationship limits for years. Women fight back by either joining in or complaining when you partake in your favourite pastime.
Money: Who controls the finances in your house?
Family and Friends: Chances are you like each other’s family, but that is not always the case. Or maybe you have a friend or two that she just can’t stand? Whichever the case may be, you need to stand firm when you are choosing whom you want to see. Showing spine will surprise her and keep her off balance, which will help your relationship in the long run.
All relationships are cast in the early stages of dating, so try to keep the boundaries of yours as wide as possible when you start seeing someone new. Once you get locked into limits, it makes change less likely. But if you are in this situation, just make sure you start off with ‘baby steps’ and see what happens when you start to push things toward the edges. You might be pleasantly surprised with the results!