Love Me, Love My Baggage?

Published on Author GG RayLeave a comment


Admit it – you feel great toting that snappy brown leather monogrammed duffle bag on trips and long weekends. There is also nothing better than a well organized suitcase full of shorts and ball caps to escort you on a winter getaway vacation. Heck, even your gym bag has a certain personal appeal to it. In your relationship with a woman, however, baggage is not a welcome friend.

It is important to recognize and avoid serious emotional, personal and relationship baggage at the start of the relationship before it breaks you both down. Follow this advice and you will be able to detect her dangerous love baggage before its too late…

The first thing to be aware of when you meet or start dating a woman are the red flags. Some of these are quite obvious – moodiness, temper tantrums or jealousy – but these attributes are common to women for a variety of reasons, and cannot be simply stocked up to emotional or relationship baggage.

Baggage flags are somewhat more serious and selfish on her part, and less predictable on yours. At best, they are often impossible to resolve without serious debate, discussion and effort. At worst, these hang ups will be the ruin of the relationship and many others to come. Pay attention – here are the signs:

Random Crying

No man likes to see a woman crying, especially someone you care about. But crying for no reason – at least no obvious rational reason that can be explained – cannot be tolerated. It is a sure sign of uncontrolled emotional or personal issues below the surface that are likely to rear up regularly.


Closely related to unexplained crying outbursts, hypersensitivity is unpredictable emotional reactions to rational events. For example, if a woman starts a fight before you even bat an eyelash at a woman walking by. Or, if she takes something you say, distorts it beyond recognition until it appears evil, and then uses it as a reason to cry and stay upset all evening. Every man has suffered some degree of pain at the hands of a sensitive woman – however, a hypersensitive woman can usually be seen (or heard crying) from a mile away. You are best advised to keep your distance.

Bitterness And Resentment

A bitter woman feels like everyone is out to scorn her. She carries around anger and resentment that is usually directed at those around her, and she often has few close friends as a result. A woman who continually talks bad about her ex, her friends, or anyone for that matter, is likely to carry that resentment into a relationship. If she likes to blame everything on other people, chances are you will be the one harbouring the brunt of her blame game. Beware her bitter baggage, and politely suggest she that she gets some counseling.

Cold, Unemotional Or Irregular Behaviour

Some degree or shyness in woman can be endearing. However, if a woman is unable to open up and talk about her feelings and past, chances are she is carrying some heavy personal baggage. You should pay attention to her “coldness” in the bedroom as well. If she approaches sexual activity with a lack of enthusiasm and feeling, there is definitely something wrong. A woman who fights her natural urges and feelings will be difficult to get close to in a relationship.

Short of recognizing any of these red flags in a woman, there are things you can do to avoid getting close to a woman with too much baggage. First of all, make sure you are aware of any baggage that you are carrying into the relationship. Being upfront and open about your own past will encourage her to be the same with hers. Furthermore, it will help you to recognize a better relationship in the future, as you make decisions about the person who is right for you. Half the battle when it comes to dating someone new is having a positive outlook. Even in you have some doubts about a new woman in your life, hope for the best until you have enough information to make a decision either way.

In order to get to the truth about a potential lover, it is crucial that you ask plenty of questions. As you get to know a woman it is important to learn as much as you can about her. The way she talks or acts when it comes to certain subjects will tell you a lot about her capacity for forgiveness, happiness and trust. While she might shy away from the topic at first, it is also a good idea to “quiz” her on her past relationships and lovers. Does she seem open to discussion? Has she ever lived with someone, or been engaged or married?

Generally, you need to trust your instincts when it comes to gauging a woman’s baggage. If she seems like a happy person, with a healthy lifestyle, who can take care of herself and who finds life fulfilling – chances are that her emotional and personal baggage is minimal, or that she has a strong handle on it. But if she seems weary about discussing her past, or you suspect there are skeletons that she is hiding, it is best to explore this inclination early on. No one wants to fall in love with a woman, and then find out about her kids after three months together. Similarly, few men want to date someone who is still pining over her last lover, or the special one who got away.

If you have strong feelings for a woman, but detect that her baggage might have negative implications for your relationship, it is best to offer to give her time. There is no need to close the door on a future together – however, it is important that both parties are aware of all of the baggage they carry in to the relationship. Time apart may allow time for healing and growth, which will ultimately benefit a couple in the end.

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