Unless you are a diehard bachelor, eventually you are going to have to ask yourself “should I or shouldn’t I?” Sometimes we get gentle ‘prodding’ by the girlfriend, or maybe some not-so-subtle hints by family and friends – no matter how the idea gets put into your head, it will not go away easily. And the longer you have been in a monogamous relationship, the hotter the heat becomes as people start to wonder why you haven’t popped the question.
So even if you think you have the dream girl who doesn’t care about stuff like that, let me just say this: Hah! Believe me, they all care eventually. And if you think you are getting subtle pressure on your end, she is getting it just as bad from her family and friends. So before you take that precarious step into the abyss of matrimony, check out our tips, pros and cons, and friendly advice. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make – but make it for the right reasons!
Why do you want to get married?
Lots of guys have lots of reasons about why they want to get married. Now we are going to review some of the common reasons people state for getting married, and check out the pros and cons of each.
Reason #1 – “I’m not getting any younger”
There are two chronologically tragic moments in every man’s life: age 30 and age 40. Because these two moments in time seem to mark milestones (30 = end of youth; 40 = entering middle-age), the potential to do something rash increases exponentially, due to the panic inherent in growing older. So it is important to separate this anxiety you are feeling from the impulse to quickly marry and settle down.
- The younger you get married, the better your chances of being able to play with your children without having to take nap immediately afterwards.
- Getting married by age 30 means you might be able to have a second marriage by age 40.
- A marriage won’t work better just because your chronological clock is ticking.
- The fear and anxiety over growing older will fade, but you will now be married.
Take a deep breath & wait until you turn 31 or 41. If it really is love, it can wait 12 months.
Reason #2 – “I’m lonely!”
Loneliness can be the source of most of life’s bad decisions. Yes, loneliness sucks. To make matters worse, as you get older all of your friends will inevitably pair up, marry, and have kids – meaning you will be stuck hanging out with the one or two friends that are hopelessly single or recently divorced.
- No more lonely nights! (Is that a song?)
- Unlike a pet, your wife can help out around the house and earn money.
- The loneliness factor might slip you into the ‘willing to accept less’ category.She may be preying on your fear of being alone in order to rope you in – blinding you to all her negatives.
If buying a pet won’t help, then try moving in together for a while and see how that goes. If she is really serious about landing you as her Mr., she won’t give you any guff about living in sin. This way you can see if the loneliness is abated by having her in your life full-time, without entering into a life-long commitment.
Reason #3 – “She’s the best I will ever get, and her family is loaded!”
Marrying for money is great, particularly when you happen to be in love with the person. But marrying for money alone can be a huge mistake. The old adage ‘money can’t buy you happiness’ is true…after 3 years and 6 months. Prior to then, the money will buy you a lot of happiness, but it won’t last.
- No financial worries for the rest of your life.
- You are now the envy of all your friends who have to work for a living.
- She owns you, dude!
- Forget any dream you might have had about doing something meaningful in your life, as you will now be working for her father forever.
If you do love her but are worried the money is affecting your judgment, then try and do something on a budget and see how it goes. For example, go backpacking for a month in Europe. Or go camping for a few weeks. Mix it up a little and see how you two manage without the money.
Reason #4 – “I love her”
If you love her, then you have to ask yourself why you have waited so long. Love should grow and change in a relationship, but love remains. That means if you still feel love after a year, or two, or three, then yes, this is the real thing. Love doesn’t always mean you feel like doing cartwheels every morning, but it does mean you want to be with that person more than anyone else. So love needs to be present at your wedding, but your doubts about getting married should not. So if you keep putting off asking her to marry you, then you need to look closely at what is holding you back.
- Marrying someone you love is a good thing. It means you will make the effort to keep your relationship intact.
- Love conquers all!
- Love might blind you to horrible, horrible flaws, which may or may not be bad thing.
- Marrying for love alone might mean you have to sacrifice other things – like money, family and friends, etc.
Only heartless bastards would tell you not to marry for love. However, you still need to ask yourself if love is the only factor. Remember, this is a lifelong commitment, not a date. Whatever issues you might have are going to be there for the life of the marriage, so make sure you are not going to have a major problem down the road.
To Wed or Not to Wed?
We hope this article has helped you in some way, but remember that we can’t be there to hold your hand on your wedding day. (But please send us a video of the wedding night!) In the end, trust your gut. Deep down you know if this is right or not, and the truth is marriage is not that much different from living together. If you take that commitment seriously, then marriage will be a thing to enjoy, not fear.