We’ve all heard sob stories about couples in long-distance relationships and the struggles they face. We also hear about the hardships of couples who are living together and their proximity is too close. But medium-distance relationship hardships are all but forgotten in these tales of woe. These tales are about people who are dating someone that may live within the same city, but are in the complete opposite end of town. Or they live in the city while their country bumpkin lover lives in the sticks. They live just far enough away that their efforts to get together and spend some time just get more and more tedious. Making the other details of their daily life just that bit more irritating.
We all know that in the early stages of a relationship, there are no mountains too high, no rivers too deep, no journeys too arduous to keep you from your baby. But what happens when the sparkle wears off and suddenly things that were simply inconvenient before (but worth it) become a hassle or a bone of contention between the two of you? How do you solve the details that seem so small, but in the end, really add up to make your relationship really, well, inconvenient?
Chances are, only one of you has a vehicle, which means that it is up to that person to provide transportation for both parties to and from each event and residence. If you both drive, you probably aren’t going to just meet at functions. One of you will always have to pick up the other and drop them off. If neither of you drive, the medium-distance relationship is destined for failure. What are you going to do, take the bus and meet everywhere? Go broke on cabs and public transportation so you can watch a movie together? No matter how good the nookie is, the eventual tedium of public transportation and bumming rides is going to erode your effort.
Even if you really are happy to drive at the beginning, you will eventually start resenting your lover for this, even if only a little bit. That resentment might be eased if she offers to throw in a tank of gas every now and again, or gives you some other token of her undying gratitude for your indentured vehicular service to her. No one likes to talk cash when you are in a relationship. It seems tacky and material to do so when talking about something that is supposed to be based on feelings. But the bottom line is: gas costs money. And you can either quietly resent the person for not noticing you are filling up whenever you pick them up until it erodes all fuzzy feelings you have toward them, or you can discuss it and split the costs. If the other person thinks it unreasonable, they are being selfish and unrealistic. Not to mention, kind of ungrateful.
If it’s her that has been driving and you haven’t offered a cent. This about this for a minute, then pay up. Now!
Where do you stay?
If you are the one who drives, you are pretty much hooped either way you slice this one. If you stay at her place, you’ll have to drive all the way home in the morning to get ready for work or for your day. If she stays at your place, you still have to get up and get her home before you can get to work. If she’s the one who drives, it is pretty much up to her where you guys stay since she will have to make the trek to drive you around in the morning.
The bottom line here is that the person who wants sex more is going to inconvenience themselves more. Most likely, this means you. The danger is expecting sex every single time you stay as a show of gratitude for your sacrifice. This will undoubtedly be found out and used against you.
How do you get her to leave?
If she is the one with the vehicle, your comings and goings depend largely on her schedule, not yours. Unless you are a lover of the public transportation system, you will not be able to go home until she is up and ready to take you. If she is at your place, she will pretty much stay until she feels like leaving or until you ask her to (good luck with that). The control you have over your time is somewhat dwindled when you are on living on her vehicular whims.
No drunken booty calls
One of the biggest travesties of the medium-distance relationship is the inability to be able to take advantage of the late-night drunken booty call after a night out caterwauling with the friends. If you are the one who drives, you’ll only get to her place in your state either by driving drunk and possibly killing yourself and some other innocent victims, or else paying a cab driver more money than it would cost to just hire a pretty high-end hooker. By the time you are in the state you are in, either public transportation won’t be running, or it will take so long, you will be soft, sober and just looking for a place to crash by the time you reach her.
The drinking issue is a big one for medium distance relationships between people who like to partake in a few sociables. If only one of you can drive, they can’t always be expected to be the designated driver. Nor can the sober driving person always be expected to pick up their drunk lover, despite how logical that seems when you are three sheets to the wind and have a bad reputation for drinking and dialing. You are going to have to come to some sort of agreement that is good for both of you (hopefully involving cabs, not risking both of your lives to save a buck).
The biggest problem with medium distance relationships is one of convenience. You live close enough that you don’t think through how you are going to deal with distance as a long-distance romancer would. Unfortunately, there is usually one person who ends up being inconvenienced. And if you are one of those rare gentlemen out there, let’s be honest, it’ll probably be you. It’s best to deal with this early on, like the first time that one of these issues comes up. Make a plan that is fair for both parties and that will allow the two of you see each other without one person feeling like they are always getting the raw deal.