So you have finally decided to make a honest woman out of her and that means she’s a MensForte kind of girl. And we all know that MensForte friendly girls deserve what is best.
I guess you could just ask her to marry you, but I guarantee she will have you forever and will make your life a living hell, oh, and she will follow you in the afterlife to continue what she has started – at least that is what I would do if my man would pop the question like he would ask if he has ironed shirts.
Now what can you do to make the rest of your life a living heaven with your beautiful future-wife? The first step we are going to discuss is most obviously making the most beautiful marriage request. I know for most men “beautiful” triggers a vision of naked chicks lap dancing for him then letting him have his way with them. The woman definition of “beautiful” involves romantic walks on the beach or love making on rose petals. Sure, the occasional woman will find male strippers dressed as firefighters giving her a private show to be beautiful (and it is, oh yes, it is!).
But you are after a picture perfect moment, something you will be doomed to tell your kids and grandkids about for the rest of your life. Your only hope of getting rid of sharing the sweetness of the moment with whoever is around you is to ask her in a straight voice to marry you. If plan A doesn’t work you can try faking you are senile.
I will next address the men who want to make the moment memorable. Hey dudes, congratulations! If it goes as planned and she is smittened by your perfect request I expect to receive an invitation to the wedding, capisci?
Now that we are settled let us embark on a journey to find you a marriage request that is so sweetingly perfect it is guaranteed to give you diabetes.
- First up we have the classic getting on your knee, whipping out a ring and asking her with teary eyes “Will you marry me?”.For whom does it work? Women who have not ever in their life see a movie, heard girlfriends how their husband proposed, did not ask her parents how they got hitched.
- Up next, for the adventurous type, we have got the ever more popular proposing while sky-diving, bungee jumping, diving with sharks (though it would be difficult to speak under water, let alone kneel, and warding sharks at the same time). The basic idea behind our own extreme proposal is to ask her to marry you while you kids are doing the stuff you like – if you are adrenaline junkies.For whom does it work? For the girl you met while riding mammoth waves, snowboarding and other life endangering experience you guys dig.
- Propose on tape. It is a sweet way to propose, and it gets better if you cuddle with her while watching. And your kids will get to see how their bright red faced daddy proposed to mommy. NOTE: Do not record the proposal over porn tapes. You will ruin a form of art, oh, yeah, and your wife to be won’t like it!For whom does it work? It best works for movie addicts, for the girl who can alphabetically recite the movies Ewan McGregor played in.
- Proposing in mid-air. Good idea, provided the captain doesn’t mess up, she is not plane sick, all the engines are still attached to the plane, you did not forget to pack the ring, she did not just slap you because you kept looking at the hostess. Best possible mid-air proposal: “We will be landing safely in 25 minutes. To insure a safe landing George would like to ask Ana to marry him.” Worst possible mid-air proposal “Oh my god, we have lost engine number 3 and 4. For heavens sake, Ana, marry George!”For whom does it work? For the girl that loves to travel, for the girl who adores vacations and sunny spots.
- Billboard proposal. It is a nice way to propose and it has the added effect of being blood sugar increasing. Just don’t be to equivocal when composing the proposal or you will have the Janes on a ten mile radius going home and saying yes to a totally unsuspecting, and most likely convinced bachelor. For whom does it work? For the girl who walks home from work. You don’t want her to step on the break while she is on the highway.
- Big screen proposal. It might be super sweet to take your girl to a movie, and right before the movie starts the phrase “Jessie, will you marry me?” pops on the screen. Don’t choose “The night of the living dead” or “Nightmare on Elm Street”, you want her to associate the way you proposed to her with something sweet, not with blood and guts – unless you’re marrying a vampire.For whom does it work? For the hopeless romantic and that basically includes all women. If she is shy don’t go for any public proposal, it would make her feel uncomfortable.
- Proposing at Niagara Falls. There is something very romantic about proposing close to any waterfall. Niagara is just a suggestion; it could as well be a waterfall of your choice in Hawaii.For whom does it work? Since it is romantic, it goes for any girl.
- Vegas proposal. Proposing in Vegas might take her mind off the $10.000 you lost playing Black Jack. On the other hand, if you won she might be the one proposing to you.For whom does it work? For the party-girl, for the compulsive player, for the girl who cares so much about you that she is not interested on the location you proposed in.
- The ultimate day of love. What can be more romantic than proposing on Valentine’s Day? A teddy holding an engagement ring is a sweet way to ask your beloved to marry you.For whom does it work? For every girl that is a sucker for the ultimate romantic gesture.
- Sex(y) proposal. Propose to her while making love. Don’t try this while performing oral sex on her for obvious reasons. You might also forget the proposing while she is performing oral sex on you – she might forget she has something in her mouth.For whom does it work? For the woman that enjoys sex – and who doesn’t?
- Guilty of love in the first degree? – it works best if you have a friend who knows a guy that has an uncle who’s son is a police man. Pulling her over for a “Will you marry the guy or spend the night in jail” always works. It is best if you can get a police uniform – women love a hot police officer and you can get to the “Spread ‘em” when she says “Sir, yes Sir, I will marry you”.For whom does it work? If you are currently dating Paris Hilton this is not a good idea. However, if your girl is living according to the law, it is a top 3 proposal.
- Proposing on her birthday. If you do this and later forget her birthday/ the day you proposed I hate to think how many nights you will sleep on the couch. However, in the year you propose you can safely “forget” to get her a birthday present.For whom does it work? For the girl who asks you “What did you get me for my birthday?” months before it is her birthday. This would be part revenge – part the sweetest gesture you ever did for her.
- Hey Mr. DJ, propose for me. If she likes listening to radio you might hit home with a proposal from her favorite DJ. If she doesn’t like the radio don’t even bother. It is not so personal or romantic, but it is a change.For whom does it work? For the girl who’s job means being in the car 12 hours per day or for the girl that doesn’t think that video killed the radio star.
- Ball in your court. Proposing at a ball game. Not for the lazy girls. The big screens full of proposals from you to your sweetheart are a nice touch, up to you if you can get her to go with you to the game.For whom does it work? For the girl that loves a good game, a cold beer and screaming from the top of her lungs.
The truth is that you can not fail when you propose. If she loves you and she would love to spend the rest of her life with you she will say “Yes!” to any type of request, even if it involves alligators and swamps. Well, good luck, and looking forward to an invitation.