The new year is upon us, and instead of making the same old feeble resolutions for yourself every year why not make some resolutions that will make your partner’s life a little better (believe me, you win in the end). Or, if you happen to be single, consult the second list to find out how to make your love life a little more exciting in the year ahead.
For the taken:
1. Give your significant other at least one non-event gift every month (by non-event, I mean that a birthday gift doesn’t count in the month of her birthday. That month, you will give her two gifts). Remember, if you are buying your lady something, it doesn’t have to be big (well, depending on how materialistic she is, I guess). The point of the unexpected gift is to show your lady that you think about her when she’s not around.
2. In the next year, no matter how long you have been dating, try to learn at least 5 new things about your lover and tell them 5 new things about you. This can be anything, from a secret crush she had in junior high to a secret fantasy she has been harbouring and trying to fit you into since you both met.
3. Talk about your fantasies and maybe, just maybe, she will surprise you and cater to one or two of them. This can lead not only to a very interesting evening, but also to her opening up about her own fantasies. Perhaps you can have an evening of talking about them, and then set up another couple of evenings where you can act them all out. While it may be intimidating to talk about these at first, the only way that your loved one is going to be able to reach that part of you is if she knows about it.
4. Make your girlfriend a deal that you will do something that she has always wanted to do if she will return the favour. This could be anything from taking dance lessons to taking her out for dinner more often. The key is that you don’t complain once while you are doing this for your partner. You just be happy that she’s happy. And you will recieve the same in return!
5. Look good for your lady when you go out on the town. Remember when you used to care about what you looked like around her? Just like you enjoy being seen with a beautiful girl on your arm, she would prefer not to be seen with a slob. I’m not saying you have to get to the gym and work off that 15 pounds you have gained since you started dating, but make an effort to clean yourself up once in a while for her.
For the single:
For our single brethren, the New Year is a time to start leaving bad old patterns behind and renew your faith in relationships, if only for a few months. Here are some things to consider for your New Year’s dating goals:
1. Get out of the house. As comfy as it is, you are not going to meet an interesting woman on your couch watching football with your buddies. If you want to meet interesting ladies, you are most apt to do so while doing something that interests you. Invest your time in learning something new or joining a new (co-ed) club.
2. Don’t be afraid to date outside of your “type” this year. If you meet someone interesting, even if she isn’t your type, get her phone number and call her. Even if you don’t end up being romantically involved, single women are your access to that which you seek: other single women. If you meet a girl who isn’t into you, but whom you impress, she will more than likely have a friend that she would like to set you up with.
3. Don’t fear rejection. Those guys you see who aren’t scared to be laughed at and rejected rarely are. Women are drawn to confidence, first and foremost. It may come out in your sense of humour, in your relaxed demeanour, in the comfort you have in your own skin. If someone doesn’t like you, don’t let it affect how you feel about yourself. Repeat after me: “It’s not me who has the problem, it’s her.” This is not an angry mantra, it’s a blow off. Shake it off, realize that you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you, and move on.
4. Forgive your ex. Everyone has an ex for whom they harbour either quiet or loud resentment for breaking their heart. Forgive them. As Daphne Hirsh says in her Guide to Surviving a Break up, if she was the one, she wouldn’t have broken up with you, she wouldn’t have cheated on you and broken your heart. She did you a favour by letting you go: do you really want to be with someone who could hurt you that much? Carrying that hurt and anger around with you not only will make it difficult to move one, it will make you surly and jaded. Just let it go, and her power over you is broken.
5. Try a new dating technique. If you find you just aren’t meeting anyone, ask one of your female friends, or one of your buddy’s girlfriends, to set you up on a date. There’s nothing that couples love doing more than setting their single friends up in relationships so that they have someone to commiserate with. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, go online. There are tons of dating sites and tons of people are using them, especially in big cities were it is difficult to meet decent, normal folks.
Whether you are in a relationship or searching for one, the New Year is nothing other than a good time to re-evaluate, try to recognize old patterns that aren’t working for you (or slumps that you and your lover have fallen into). It an opportunity to commit yourself to be just a little bit of a better person to those you love, or those you could love.