Sometimes you get into a relationship with someone you really like, only to later find out she’s terrible in the sack. Good looks and the excitement of new love can only carry you so far. Eventually her poor performance will start to take its toll on your satisfaction. This article will give you tips on what to look for before things get really bad, and what you can do to make sex a LOT better. But if you think it’s impossible for things to improve, then you need to get out before it’s too late.
How Do I Know She’s a Bad Lover?
Okay. We all know the difference between a bad lover and a good lover, so the trick is being able to predict if the one you are with is going to turn out to be bad. Due to the mystical euphoria surrounding a new sexual relationship, it is very easy to get caught up in the passion and not notice the warning signs. Here are a few things you might want to watch for:
Warning Signs – prior to having sex for the first time.
- She seems reluctant to have any physical contact.
- Her kisses seem hesitant, or unsure.
- She acts like a prude – doesn’t like movies with nudity; avoids swearing; comments on ‘slutty’ clothing other girls wear.
- Inexperience with dating. Maybe she has only had one boyfriend her entire life.
- Talks a big story, but never delivers.
- Avoids being alone with you, or coming over to your place.
- Likes to kiss a lot, but never lets it go further.
- She’s a virgin, or talks about ‘saving’ things until she is married.
- Warning signs – after having sex for the first time, but still in the euphoric stage.
- She never climaxes.
- She rarely initiates your lovemaking.
- She comes up with reasons not to have sex, or to only have sex once.
- You start to notice that she only likes one position – lying on her back while holding her breath.
- She wouldn’t give you a blowjob if your life depended on it.
- She doesn’t seem to appreciate the fact that you go down on her all the time, nor does she respond the way she should.
- She doesn’t like to touch your penis.
- Seems timid while naked, and always turns off the lights or covers herself with a sheet.
- Only wants to make love in the bedroom at night.
- Tries to limit the amount of sex you have each week.
If some or all of these symptoms are plaguing your relationship, do not despair. Good lovers are made, not born.
What to Do First?
Assess her performance in bed. Do the two of you have a good sexual relationship, or is the energy and enthusiasm – the downright horniness – you feel due to the newness of the relationship alone? If you come to the realization that she is not performing with the same energy you do or perhaps she is not as keen as you would like, then now is the time to take action. If you wait until the initial ardor wears off, then you will have waited too long. Sex is not a fun game when only one of you wants to play!
Begin the Salvage Operation
There are a lot of people out there who are madly in love, but have terrible sex lives. You do not want to be one of those people. So your options are simple. Stay in a relationship that is sexually unsatisfying for the rest of your life, or try to initiate change that will salvage your lover.
Option 1 – get her more involved
Often in a dysfunctional sexual relationship, one member of the couple is doing all the work. So you need to try and get her more involved in the whole process, rather than trying to please her non-stop. Start small. Get her to give you a hot oil massage, or maybe a hand job. She might be afraid to touch you because she’s afraid of failure. So you need to make sure you give her lots of compliments and show appreciation when she does things that please you.
Option 2 – make her feel like a sexy beast
If she doesn’t feel attractive, she will assume you don’t find her attractive. If you make her feel sexy – buy her lingerie, give her flowers, send her love notes, etc – she will respond. Soon she will start taking the initiative by playing coy, dressing sexier, and will try to turn you on.
Option 3 – talk to her, but be diplomatic
If she is unsure of herself in bed, then any direct confrontation about her skills will only make things worse, or make her feel embarrassed. Rather than talking about what you want, ask her what she wants. But be cautious, since women know all about reverse psychology. Even in great relationships, talking about sex can be awkward. Most coupes will lie to each other and say everything is great, just so they can avoid the truth. Take it slow and make sure she is not getting upset by your line of inquiry.
Option 4 – the tough love approach
If the nice guy routine isn’t working, you can switch strategies and take a tougher approach. One method is to talk about old girlfriends and what they used to do. If she sees this as a competition or that you are still thinking of someone else, she might raise the bar to get you back on track.
Option 5 – make her bring it up first
Try this. Stop having sex with her. Eventually she is going to notice something is wrong and ask you about it, then you can have an open conversation about your sex life and how it can be better. Make sure you tell her that you don’t want to end up with a lousy sex life down the road, so that she understands you are in this for the long term. Long term being the key to this discussion.
If all goes well, then your bad lover will turn things around and the salvage operation will be a success. Take note – make sure you keep up with her, otherwise you might be the one who falls behind. Have fun, play safe and enjoy!