Have you been called selfish by women who you have been involved with before? Not to worry – most men have received this notorious label at some point during their past relationships. Many men have learned to chalk it up to women’s dependent habits or relationship insecurities. However, if you have ever been referred to as a selfish lover by a woman, you know that it hits a little closer to home. Every man wants to be successful – in life, as well as in bed. So if a woman is complaining that you are too selfish during sex, it’s time to take stalk of the situation.
Ultimately, being selfish means knowing how to keep your self happy. In the worst case, however, selfishness can mean satisfying yourself at the cost of others’ unhappiness. When it comes to being a selfish lover, more often than not, men get away with a lot. Men’s selfishness in bed is often associated with their inability to control themselves when faced with extremely sexy situations. Most women appreciate the fact that men usually climax easier and sooner than they do. But if you are trying to sustain a long term sexual relationship with a woman, eventually your selfishness will come back to haunt you.
So how can you tell if you are a selfish lover, or if your woman is just extremely hard to please? It is important to consider the following questions: When you initiate sex do you aim to please her as much as yourself? If she is not quite in the mood, do you make an effort during foreplay to excite her? Throughout intercourse, do you focus on achieving your own climax, or do you try to encourage her and share in the excitement together? If you answered no to any or all of these questions, you may be a selfish lover with a potential woman problem on your hands.
Yet before you re-evaluate your own selfish ways, you must also gauge how picky or demanding a woman is when it comes to sexual encounters. Does she complain that you made no effort or finished too quickly, even though she achieved orgasm – or at least appeared to do so? Does she make less effort than you in bed and always blame you when the experience is not satisfying in the end? Do you sometimes feel like no matter what you do, she is just not easy to please in bed, or otherwise?
Women are generally more high maintenance than men in life and in bed, but if the woman you are with makes it impossible for both of you to enjoy sex together – it might be time for her to change her ways rather than you.
That said, there are some small adjustments that you can make which will help you become a less selfish lover. It comes down to three traits that are easy to acquire with just a little practice: appreciation, openness, and energy.
When it comes to being less selfish in bed, appreciation of your partner is essential. In order to appreciate your partners’ sexuality, you need to feel a certain level of physical attraction to her. If your attraction wanes or you find it difficult to sustain it, it is going to be difficult to appreciate her and make a greater effort during sex. So chose your partners wisely, and when you feel that the spark is missing, decide if it is worth your effort to try to re-ignite it. If attraction is not an issue, than appreciation of her sexuality should not be either.
However, everyone is different, and sometimes even though you are attracted to a woman, you have an even greater urge to satisfy yourself. If you intend to carry on a long term relationship with her, try to turn the tables and shift your attention towards her sexuality rather than your own. If you make the effort to please her every so often – most women would be happy to achieve complete sexual satisfaction once a week – you will likely be able to maintain a healthy and satisfying relationship for an extended period of time.
The next essential trait to develop in order to become a less selfish lover is openness. Chances are, if your woman is calling you selfish in bed and she seems genuinely concerned about it, your lack of attention to her needs will lead to the end of the relationship. But if you are open to discussing your sexual encounters, they are more likely to show significant improvement.
For example, if your woman complained after the last time you had sex, maybe you should commence the next session by asking her exactly what she wants you to do to her, and demanding that she give you an answer. If she is interested in improving your sex life together, she will make an effort to communicate rather than just complain about your shortcomings. On your part, it is important to be open to discussion about changing some of your selfish ways, which may be difficult in the start, but pay off huge in the end.
Becoming a less selfish lover involves one final component: energy. You must take time to evaluate how much energy you are willing to expend on improving your ‘moves’. You must also assess whether the energy you put into reforming is a response to her complaints or your own desire to change – your efforts will only be a successful if there is some degree of the latter involved. Having made the decision to assess the situation, put yourself in your partners’ shoes and think about what kind of lover you really are.
Did other lovers teach you things along the way, or are you busting out the same old moves from your days in high school or the frat house? Do you borrow lines from movies and emulate porn scenarios, or are you in touch with your sensuality, and creative and spontaneous during sexual encounters?
If you have been recycling your old sex moves, and are used to only getting pleasure rather than giving it, it will take some serious energy on your part to become a less selfish lover. That said, you if put in the energy, try to appreciate your partners sexuality, and commit to open communication in the bedroom, she’ll be singing your praises in no time.