Sex Terms 101 – Part 2

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If you’ve been following along since part 1, we’re glad you’re joining us again for another round-up of strange-but-true sexual terms. From terms that don’t mean what you think they mean (half & half) to terms you can’t even pronounce (give kakorrhaphiphilia a try), we’re back with a thorough examination of some of the weirder sex terms we could dig up. Merriam-Webster, we’re not – but you weren’t looking for that anyway, were you?

Half & Half – If you’re thinking about a hot cup of coffee right about now, we can safely assure you that you’re on the wrong path. In fact, in sexual terms, ‘half and half’ is a little more risqué than your average latte. Technically speaking, this slang term refers to giving or receiving both a blow job and a rim job. Still thinking of coffee? We didn’t think so.

Hard swap – This term is just as ambiguous as half & half, sexually speaking. Whether you ever get to use it in your lifetime will depend on just how open you let your relationships be. ‘Hard swap’ refers to letting your partner have sex with someone else when they’re not with you. Whether or not this is a winning situation depends on which side of the swap you’re on.

HD – As you might have seen in the first article in this series, a lot of the more unusual terms out there have their origins in BDSM, a sexual practice replete with acronyms. HD stands for humiliation and discipline – and yes, this can involve whips and handcuffs, if you want it to.

Hummer – remember back in high school, when you drove a Sunfire and dreamed of owning your own Hummer? Chances are you still can’t afford one of these babies, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a sexier use of the word. ‘Hummer’ is slang for oral sex, typically given to a man. Try it out the next time you’re bored with blowjobs – the word, that is.

Icolagnia – next to BDSM, there are a wealth of sexual terms that are simply explanations for the strange and unusual ways people become aroused. Luckily, icolagnia isn’t so strange, and it might make you feel a little better about all the nude photos hidden in the accounting folder on your computer. ‘Icolagnia’ simply refers to being turned on by looking at photographs.

Ipsism – If slang like ‘peeling the banana,’ and ‘baiting the hook’ make you feel like you’re trapped in a high school nightmare, why not try something a little more professional? ‘Ipsism’ is yet another word for masturbation. We know, there are already thousands of words for this treasured national pastime. But come on – can’t we all use another term for milking the lizard, choking the chicken….you get the idea!

Kakorrhaphiphilia – When is striving for success the last thing on your mind? When you’re in bed with a kakorrhaphiphiliac, of course. This type of person is turned on by failure, an unusual but potentially convenient form of arousal. Hey, at least there’s no need to give it 110 percent. (Sorry, we couldn’t resist).

Keraunophilia – Here’s an equally unpronounceable K-word, with a decidedly different meaning. If you’re interested in stormy and tempestuous relationships, why not track down someone with keraunophilia? A keraunophiliac is turned on by thunder and lightning, which can make for an interesting sexual experience, if you don’t mind getting a little wet.

Leg Spreader – Sure, it sounds simple enough, but try describing one. If you’ve never encountered a leg spreader, chances are you’ll only have a vague idea of what one actually looks like. Here’s your lesson of the day. A leg spreader is a tool used in – you guessed it – bondage, and consists of leg shackles and a bar. The whole device is used to keep someone’s legs spread apart during sex.

Lothario – If you’ve always considered yourself something of a player but couldn’t bear to use a word that’s typically linked with ‘bling’ and ‘shorty,’ we’ve got a suave alternative. A ‘lothario’ is a term for a successful womanizer. The name is taken from a character in a play called The Fair Penitent, by Nicholas Rowe. No need to remember that last part, so long as you use the word with enough confidence to convince others that you know its origins.

Love Wand – A term like love wand brings to mind all sorts of warm, fuzzy pictures – magic fairies, sparkling wings, you get the idea. Well, it’s time to banish those G-rated images from your head. ‘Love wand’ is just another term for a vibrator. However, much like a fairy godmother’s wand, this one can definitely make some wishes come true.

Macrophallia – The awe of women everywhere, bragging rights in locker rooms the world over, the ability to become porn stars despite their love handles – macrophalliacs have all the luck. As you might have guessed, macrophallia simply means to have a large penis. Of course, if you’re using a word like this in conversation, a large ego might also be helpful.

Monorchid – If this term brings to mind a strange but exotic flower, believe us, you couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, ‘monorchid’ refers to having only one testicle. The appeal of this word isn’t lost on the general public – in fact, both a popular band and an art gallery bear the name monorchid. While it’s possible that the founders of these institutions are very open about their sexuality, it’s also possible that they thought a monorchid was a flower, too.

Mysophilia – In the video for her hit song, “Dirrty,” Christina Aguilera managed to make the sweat and grunge look sexy. Of course, it’s possible that she’s just a closet mysophiliac. Fittingly, mysophilia refers to a person who is turned on by getting down and dirty – or simply by dirt itself. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little roll in the mud now and then.

Nooner – Is the 9 to 5 grind getting you down? Maybe it’s time for a good, old fashioned nooner, to round out part II of our quest for the sex-terms you might not know about. ‘Nooner’ refers to the ever-appealing sexual encounter over your lunch hour. So if the cute girl three cubicles down who’s been eyeballing you for the last two weeks asks if you want to join her for lunch, you’ll know exactly what she means. Or at least, what you hope she means.

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