There comes a time in almost every relationship when you’ll have to ask the question – how can I bring a vibrator to bed without terrifying my partner? And even if you aren’t having those thoughts right now, your partner could be. While some might argue it is never too soon to introduce accessories into your sex life, others might disagree.
This article will help you to pick the right time, and give you a few pointers on how to foster the right environment so that your partner isn’t shocked when it happens; unless of course you plan on shocking her, which is a strategy unto its own!
Step One – Laying the groundwork
The first thing you have to remember is that your partner may not be at the same stage as you are in your sexual relationship. She may be very happy with the way things are progressing and may take your sudden interest in vibrating latex as an insult to her sexuality. She may also feel inadequate, offended, hurt, or scared.
To avoid a negative reaction you need to lay the necessary groundwork ahead of time. Ask yourself these questions:
- Is she a prude?
- Is she afraid to talk about sex?
- Does she currently own or has she previously owned a sex toy?
- Does she flinch when there is a sex scene on TV?
- Who usually initiates sex in your relationship?
- Does she admit to masturbating alone?
The more flexible your partner is, the less likely you are to have problems. Assessing the type of person she is can be crucial to avoid any awkwardness when you whip the black mamba out from underneath your pillow. Start talking to her about ways to enhance your sex life. Never talk about what you currently have in negative terms, just talk about new things you want to try with her.
Step Two – Let’s talk about sex toys, baby!
Broaching the delicate subject of sex toys prior to introducing them is probably the most common route people choose to follow. However, kinkier folks might like the shock value and excitement they might cause, so the choice will depend on how you and your partner interact. Prior to buying anything, you might want to swing your girlfriend by a sex toy store first.
To avoid any shyness, make sure she understands that you are only going in to look. Remember, there is a chance she may have never used or owned a sex toy, and one reason for this is because she was too embarrassed to go into a sex toy shop. If this is the case, she might be more than happy to discreetly point out the sorts of things she likes. She might be looking to you for direction on what is acceptable, since she won’t want to come across as slutty or being too experienced. The same goes for you. Don’t get all excited and point out the biggest dildos and largest vibrating anal beads – think smaller and take baby steps.
Step Three – Bringing it home, whatever it is
Okay. She is expecting something, so you will be judged on what you finally pull out of the bag. If this is a gift for her, make sure it is not a substitute for a birthday or anniversary gift. This is something special, not a new trend in your gift buying ways. The key now is that you do not over do it, so that you have room to grow.
The first toy in the bedroom MUST be a toy that is all about her. Pick something like a mini-egg vibrator – not scary and she will learn to love it. Plus, a small vibrator is a great way to enhance your sex life in a small way. You can still be involved at this stage, as the mini-vibrator will enhance what you are currently doing.
DO NOT buy a huge, hard plastic penis, which will only serve to intimidate her and make her question what kind of man you are. You can work your way up to the big boy, but until you get there think small. You need a toy that will make her feel comfortable. Something she won’t be afraid to use on her own or with you.
Step four – Moving up to bigger and better things
Okay. So now your partner is addicted to mini-egg vibrators and your monthly battery bills are putting you in the poor house. Well, things could be a lot worse. But don’t be complacent. Now that you have started her off small, move on to new toys. Although you have been benefiting from her enhanced horniness, you might be wishing for a piece of the action too. Go back to the store with her again and see what you can find that you might both enjoy. This could be a larger vibrator, or something that you can use – like a vibrating cock ring.
Again, you need to strike a balance between a progression towards a very open sexual relationship and maintaining control on what is happening. Vibrators and other toys are accessories, and should not be brought in as replacement tools.
Furthermore, you don’t want to open Pandora’s Box and then be unable to shut it. Turning your significant other into a sex fiend sounds good in theory, but if she needs more and more to satisfy her, you might have a tough job ahead of you. Plus, the slower and more selective you are in adding toys, the longer they will last before you feel the need to move on to new ones.
Step Five – Enjoy!
Only you will know when the right time occurs for you to start considering sex toys, since every relationship is unique. The trick is to keep your sexual relationship fresh and exciting. Don’t wait for things to go stale before you decide to start spicing up the bedroom. And remember – if you do this right, she will love you for it! And if all goes according to plan, it won’t be long before you can move from toys to other naughty things.