Are you just signing the divorce papers after several years of separation? Or have you been divorced for a few years now and are ready to venture back out into the dating pool? Whatever the case, it’s not always easy to start dating again after a divorce.
For those of you who have suffered in poor relationships that resulted in nasty divorces, the thought of involving yourself in a relationship with another woman might not seem that appealing. Even for those of you who went through amicable divorces, you still may not want to delve into another relationship, particularly if your first marriage left your children in a difficult situation.
But, at some point, you will want to start dating again, even if you are just looking for casual friendships or romances and not the next Mrs. Wrong. Here are some dating tips for divorced men looking to re-enter the market.
Make sure your marriage is over and make sure you are over your marriage
Here’s some fairly simple advice on what you shouldn’t do on a post-divorce date: don’t talk about your wife, marriage, children or anything else related to your marriage unless you are asked about it. Once you start dating again, the last thing that any woman will want is to feel as though she is being compared to an ex-wife.
On the contrary, she will also not want to listen to you rant about your selfish and ungrateful ex-wife and her gold-digging ways. So, unless she asks about your life and specifically your divorce or your children (if you have any), you’re better off not introducing the topic. Instead, take the time to ask her about her and don’t spend too much time talking about your past.
If you’re not ready, don’t start
There’s nothing wrong with going on a date just for the sake of doing something with another person. But, be sure that the person you’re going out with isn’t expecting a long term commitment after the date. A blind date or speed dating might be your best way to meet someone that won’t have a lot of expectations regarding commitment.
If you aren’t really ready to start dating someone seriously, and just want to go out as friends, you may want to let her know that right off the hop. That’s why going out with a “stranger” via a blind date might make the most sense. However, it may not be as easy to go out with someone you know is interested in more than one date with you. This is a risk you have to consider if you decide to start dating friends or friends of friends, since it may cause awkwardness if the date doesn’t go well, or if she was under the impression that it might lead to a long term romance.
Where to begin
Once you are ready to start dating seriously, you may not know where to start because for some newly divorced men, the last time they approached a woman for a date they ended up marrying her. And, depending on how long you were married and how long it’s been since you were on the singles market, you may not know the proper dating etiquette anymore.
Here are a few tips:
- Take off the wedding ring and remove pictures of your ex-wife from your wallet. Be all means you don’t want a woman you’re dating to think that you are cheating on your wife.
- Dust off the cobwebs and get a fresh start. This means that you should make yourself physically attractive—get a new haircut, buy some new clothes, and if you are lagging in the physical activity department, you’d better get running. Once you start to feel better about yourself, you will exude more confidence. And what’s one thing that women like in a man? Confidence (but not arrogance).
- Don’t mope about your failed marriage. The fact is that you are not alone, and the chances are good that you will go on dates with women who have also been through divorces. While divorces can be hard and traumatic, they are by no means the end of the world.
Where to meet women
Don’t think that you can only pick-up women at a bar or club. There are lots of places to meet women, and for divorced men, chances are pretty good you are in your early 30s or older. Your age means that you shouldn’t be hanging out at bars that only attract 19-year-olds anyway. While you may get to see some T&A, you most likely won’t find anyone mature enough to date seriously, or who’ll consider dating an older, divorced man.
That’s not to say that you can’t get out and have fun in bars and clubs. By all means, do! But, if the last time you were picking up women was in your early 20s and it’s been 10 or more years since you’ve been in that same scenario, remember that you’ve aged. So, the pick-up joints you used to frequent when you were young are probably filled with other, younger people.
That being said, try meeting women at a variety of places. When you go out for dinner with some friends, don’t be afraid to approach a woman at the bar who is waiting for her dinner party to arrive. When you are at the dry cleaners, and you are attracted to the woman in line in front of you, think of a way to strike up a conversation. She’ll probably be impressed enough by the fact that you actually get your clothes dry-cleaned to consider going out on a date.
However, don’t just pounce on any woman who looks twice at you. Have the confidence to start a conversation with someone you are interested in. It might surprise you at how simple it can be to meet women, even after all this time.
Another great way to meet many women at once is through the latest singles phenomenon called “speed dating.” In this situation, you speak with around 10 women for about 5-10 minutes each. When your time is up, you move on to the next woman. The trick here is to try to convey a good impression given that you only have a few minutes to “make your case.”
There’s a large pool of women out there who are very interested in finding a partner, whether it be for a long relationship or just for a few dates. It’s up to you to spruce yourself up and get out on the market so that you can meet these women. Don’t let that divorce hold you down! The end of your marriage, although unfortunate, should be seen as a new beginning in your life.