How And Why To “Talk Feelings” With Women

talk-feeling

There are some universal truths when it comes to communication between men and women. The most obvious truth – men don’t get women’s feelings. For example, you are minding your own business when your girlfriend asks: “What’s on your mind honey?” You answer with the truth: “Nothing.” She becomes hurt and upset, and a fight ensues. You are accused of being insensitive; you accuse her of being down right crazy. Next time around, she asks you an important question during the biggest game of the year. Distracted by the game, you fail to hear her, or provide an answer. She becomes hurt and upset, and a fight ensues. And the cycle continues…

So what’s the secret to dealing with the ongoing relationship problem that revolves around women’s emotions? Talking feelings. Men need only make a small effort to listen and talk to a woman during her times of emotional need, and to know how to answer her questions in a manner that prevents additional emotional issues from arising. This will take some effort on your behalf – rather than work, however, you should consider it a balancing act. Once you know how to calm your woman’s emotional outbursts down, you are in the clear – well, at least until you do something really terrible.

In order to talk feelings with her, you will have to assume the role of the best friend, therapist, mother and father all in one. If a woman is looking to you for comfort and advice, you are well advised to talk feelings to the best of your ability, or she will blame everything that bothers her directly on you. The most proven method of talking feelings with a woman is to help her identify what her primary feelings are. This is simpler than it sounds because women are prone to two primary types of emotion: anger and sadness. If you can help a woman understand what is at the root of her anger or sadness, and what the heck it has to do with you – if anything – you will likely avoid hours of unnecessary fighting.

Women’s emotions can easily turn to anger. If she is frustrated, bitter or struggling with a personal issue or decision – sometimes before she even knows it, she can easily become upset or enraged. For example, say your girlfriend is unhappy with you spending too much time shooting hoops with the boys and not answering her calls. The truth is that you are spending no more time that usual – one weekly night out for a game and beers. Furthermore, she knows you always leave your cell phone at home on those evenings. So why, all of a sudden, is she blowing a gasket? One word – anger. However, instead of meeting her anger with your own, its time to talk feelings. Ask her in a calm voice – “Honey, why don’t we talk about what’s really bothering you? Why are you angry and how can I help?” She will appreciate your concern, and chances are the situation will resolve itself sooner rather than later.

In the same way, a range of issues and factors can contribute to a woman easily becoming sad and upset. For example, say after you just watched a sappy romantic comedy, your girlfriend is crying, reserved and obviously giving you the silent treatment. Other than sit and watch the movie eating popcorn and drinking pop, you can’t think of anything that you have done in the past hour or so to upset her. Unfortunately, it’s not about what you said or did, it’s about her emotional state. Similar to the above situation, you must try to talk feelings. In a caring manner, ask her: “Honey, why don’t you tell me what you are so sad about and how I might help?”

Other than do your best to consider and talk about your woman’s feelings, there are a few other tips that will help you avoid ongoing emotional outbursts. First of all, learn to recognize the “red flag” situations. If your girlfriend asks how hot you think the girl across the room is or if you think she is prettier – you need to blow her question off altogether. A shoulder shrug will be taken as a maybe, and even a “no” will be taken as maybe. Your best bet is to avoid the topic, say “whatever” or “don’t be ridiculous” and change the subject. This same rule applies for a range of red flag questions – for example, about the size of her butt of her best friend’s breasts, or how much you drank last night at the stag party.

Also, you would be well advised to learn the patterns of your girlfriend’s emotional outbursts. Are they worse when you haven’t spent much time together? Or when she drinks? Or if she is under a lot of stress at her job? Once you can predict some of the causes of her emotional turmoil, you will be better able to avoid or manage them.

In the end, there is little you can do to completely escape the wrath of an angry, upset, or distressed woman. Sometimes there is little she can even do to control herself. However, it is important that you always try to understand where she is coming from. If you find that despite all your efforts you still never say the right thing at the right time, you might try a different angle – like chocolate, flowers, gifts, or sexual favours. Sometimes you will surprised by how much anger a good old roll in the hay can dispel!

Despite the many difference between men’s and women’s emotions, there is one cure that might be the best medicine for everyone’s differences. If you can turn a negative emotional outburst into a positive one you already know the true secret of success – laughter. No matter how hard a woman is crying or how mad she thinks she is at you, or if your attempt to talk feelings just isn’t working out pull out those little tricks that you know will make her crack up and voila, problem solved!

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