The Second Date

Published on Author GG RayLeave a comment


We all know that the first date is important for many different reasons: it may have been the moment of first contact, and therefore first impressions were made; it was your awkward introduction into level one of breaking through the barrier of getting to know someone; and it was the date that, if successful, carried you on to the next date.

The preliminary step to the second date is the phone call. After you have had a good date, standard is to wait 2-3 days before calling. Some girls would be thrilled if you called them on the way home from a really fantastic date to say what a good time you had, but it is hard to tell which ones will appreciate it and which ones will find that too eager. So, if you must be in contact with her right away, send her an email or a text simply stating you had a great time. Initiate phone contact within 3 days to stay on her good side.

Now, you have called her and she has agreed to go out with you again. In some ways, the second date is as important as the first. Unless she was really not a good match for you, chances are that she’ll agree to go out with you again. If there are one or two things she does like about you, she might chalk the things that she isn’t too sure about up to first-date jitters.

The Venue

It is important to pick a good venue for the second date. Your best bet is to pick an activity or location that is quite different from your first one. If you just went for casual drinks on your first date, then take some of the pressure off and choose a more spirited activity. Picking an activity shows that you are interested in more than just sitting around, drinking (whether that is true or not!). Some activities could include going roller-blading or hiking on a trail close to home. You could go catch a play or a live band, or stand up comedy. All women have “a sense of humor” high up on their lists of important qualities. If the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, for women, it is almost always the funny bone.

When picking an activity, try to use what she expressed as her interests on your first date (if you don’t think she mentioned anything, you either weren’t listening or didn’t ask—neither bode very well for you). If she said she likes watching sports, take her to a game or challenge her to one. (Note: competition may not be a great bet this early; if either one of you is extra competitive, bad sportsmanship is a pretty big turn off!) If you two share taste in music, go to a show; if you both love to read, take her to a cool used bookstore she’s never been to. By choosing an activity that she has already expressed interest in, you are showing that you were listening when she was talking about herself, and you are also ensuring that she will not find the date boring.

Conversely, if you shared an activity on the first date, then the second date is a chance to get to know each other a little better. If you are a great cook, you may be tempted to invite her over to cook for her. This is a lovely gesture, however, if she doesn’t know you well, coming over to your place may not be completely comfortable for her. It is hammered into women’s heads from a young age that they need to be smart to stay safe, so wait until the two of you are a little more familiar before inviting her onto your home turf. (This could be as early as the end of the second date if you play your cards right, but let the night flow there naturally.)

Nice venues for an intimate date are: a nice lounge, a nice little jazz club, or a park for some ice cream. If you choose to go the dinner route, find a place that is nice, small, and not too expensive. Some women do prefer to go dutch, but don’t go anywhere that you can’t afford on your own—there are some women who presume that if you asked them out, you’ll pay. Arcane, but true. Save the really expensive places for sometime down the road. You don’t have to pay a lot for good food, and you don’t want to drop a lot of cash on someone who is still unsure if they even like you!

The Approach

The most awkward moment of dating in the early courting days is when you pick her up/first meet. If you didn’t kiss at the end of the first date, then how to you greet her when you meet? How intimate should you be? If you don’t create some intimacy, then it may affect your chemistry for the rest of the date. If you are too formal in your greeting, you might slide into the dreaded “friend zone,” giving yourself a chemistry handicap off the top. A kiss on the cheek is usually nice. It breaks the space barrier, creating intimacy, and it takes you out of the ‘friend zone” without seeming to forward or presumptuous.

If you did kiss at the end of the first date, are things different? Should you act more familiar when you walk up to her? In some ways, that depends on what you think you can pull off. If you don’t think you can pull off a short, but sweet, peck on the lips, then feel free to go for the cheek. It will come off as sweet, maybe a little shy, which is not a bad place to start. It’s better than overstepping your bounds. Take the evening to build up the intimacy and excitement that led to your last kiss and it will seem much more natural.


As you continue to get to know your date, ask questions about things she mentioned on your previous date. Ask about a specific situation at work or with a friend that she was worried about. On this date, you will attempt to get to know each other a little better, so don’t shy away from expressing your opinions.

This doesn’t mean that you have to shove your opinions down her throat, but sometimes the friction of a little disagreement can spark some great chemistry. (This is true of more mundane topics like movies, sports or pop culture—arguing about politics this early date might just convince her that your values are too different to proceed.)

The Finale

Don’t assume that date number two will result in a “happy ending” (I mean the sexual kind, not the fairy tale kind). If the chemistry is there, you should definitely go in for the kiss. No kiss on the second date will get her to wondering if you aren’t attracted to her. From the kiss, if she wants to invite more, let her. Don’t try to manipulate your way into her place. If she wants you to come up, she’ll ask.

Girls love a guy who is attentive (you remembering details she’s mentioned) and they like a guy who is sweet. They also like a guy who can actually come up with an idea for a great date on their own. Nothing’s worse than the guy who is always making you decide what to do on a date.

If you show these traits in the first two dates, and there is a bit of chemistry, there is no good reason that you won’t keep on dating this girl if you don’t want to. Sure, there are always external forces working on potential new couples that aren’t always clear (recent exes, emotional hang-ups, etc.), but a sincere attempt to pay attention to her will hopefully result in an even better third date, and perhaps even all sorts of happy endings!

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