It is a well known fact that men think about sex pretty much all the time. Consequently, men are up for sex pretty much all the time. Traditionally, it has been the woman who has played the gatekeeper when it comes to when and where the sex was happening. We women assume that you always want it, and when you make the effort to seduce us, we will then decide if we “let” you have it. That is the traditional mode of thinking.
This dynamic has changed somewhat over the past couple of decades. As women have gained more power and status in the world, one thing that has shifted is their attitudes toward sex. Women are less ashamed to take responsibility for their sexual pleasure—they pursue sexual relationships and are not afraid to admit when they love it.
One of the death knells of a sexual relationship is predictability and routine. This does not just count for long term relationships. Even with new sexual partners, you need to work to stand out in her mind as a good sexual experience. It is no longer good enough to just be “not bad” in bed. Have a few tricks up your sleeve, and don’t just hand her the usual fare of 10% foreplay, 10% oral and 80% you pounding away. That routine gets boring after about the age of 20.
The great thing about women is that her experience of you in the bedroom does not have to be relegated to things you do in the bedroom. Because women live more in their brains than men do when it comes to sex, the trick is to tap into that sexual organ first. As anyone who has yearned can tell you, anticipation can be just as exciting as the act itself, sometimes even more so. The key is building that sense of sexual anticipation into her everyday thought patterns.
One thing that is difficult with a new sexual partner is that we sometimes feel as though we don’t want to cross boundaries, and we therefore hold back quite a bit until we feel we know or understand a new partner better. Unfortunately, this holding back is probably one of the main reasons why many sex partners do not turn into relationships, or even steady shags. When people do not know or understand each other, they hold their cards close, not wanting to seem foolish. Men should know by now that women cannot resist a man with no sense of shame. We love the men who embrace their foolishness and go forth blindly.
How does this translate to you getting laid, however? Women, like everyone, simply want to be adored. We want to be worshipped and told we are sexy and irresistible. We don’t, however, want to feel like you are being insincere and telling us these things just to get us in the sack. The trick is to turn your lady into the sex fiend.
Imagine if a woman said to you that anytime you wanted to have her–anytime of day, any time of the night, anywhere—all you had to do was call her and she would come and meet you where you wanted and do what you wanted. Would you be able to think of anything else? Of course not. She’d be busy and tired. Now turn the tables. What do you think it would take to transfer this same energy onto your lady? How can you turn her brain into a pervy, sex-seeking, preoccupied mess that can think of only how and when she wants you?
If you are in a long term relationship, this is a little easier, and it can add a whole new dimension to your sex life. The key is starting with her brain. That is what you want to capture. Start leaving sexy messages in around the house where she will find them. You want to get her to think, first, nice thoughts about you as often as possible throughout the day. Flattery will get your everywhere.
Women are much more likely to be less inhibited about sex the better they feel about their bodies. Leave notes describing the sexiest parts of her body, leave voicemail messages describing what you want to do to various parts of her body. Mix up the flavour of the messages. Sometimes, be sweet and romantic; other times, be as raunchy as you think you can get away with. Many women I know love the dirty talk.
Use as many means as you can to keep her mind working. Drop her an email (make that the sweet stuff in case her work is spying on her email—getting her fired will not make her hot), text her, send her an instant message, leave her a phone message, on her cell or at home. Talk about something she did the night before that drove you crazy, tell her how you can’t stop thinking about how she smells and tastes. Most of all, don’t worry about feeling foolish.
I can guarantee you that she will be getting so wound up by all of the attention, she won’t be critiquing your choice of words. Be certain to keep throwing in sweet, non-sexual niceties. That is the detail that will make her feel appreciated, loved, and therefore safe enough to be able to share in this game with you. You know damn well what happens when someone is thinking about sex all the time. They start to need it more and more. And the more you have sex, it is less likely that it is going to be boring or routine. Use these messages as an opportunity to suggest new things, and encourage her to open up to you so that you can fulfill her fantasies.
If you are just starting up a new sexual relationship, you have one distinct advantage and one distinct disadvantage. The advantage is that you have the added power of the honeymoon period. She is already thinking about you fairly constantly, snapshots of your sweaty encounters are flashing through her mind at work, making her naughty bits tingle. She is primed for lovin.’ The disadvantage is that you are probably just getting to know each other.
Once again, flipping the tables at this point will help you flip the power structure. Instead of you feeling like you are always trying to get her into the sack, make sex about her. Tell her that you find her to be one of the most incredibly sexy women alive. Tell her that nothing would make you happier than catering to her every whim.
Tell her that if she ever wants you, to just call and you will be where she wants you to be, when she wants you. This eliminates the whole game of playing it cool and keeping your distance. Some women will need a little more prodding. We aren’t used to being the aggressors and it is difficult for us to take the lead. Get your lover acclimatized to this role by letting her take the lead in the bedroom. Have her direct your every move. Get her used to asking for what she wants, and get her used to knowing that she will get it from you.
From here, you will gain her trust, and build her confidence enough to precede into the above shtick. Flood her with compliments—sexual, intellectual, personal, romantic. Let her know that all she has to do is call and you will be there to cater to her whims. Aside from perhaps a good group of submissive in S&M play, you will have a hard time finding someone who is not turned on by the combination of confidence, candor, eroticism and power play that this little game holds.