There are still people who are waiting until they are married to have sex, while others lost it in a dirty bar when they were 14 to someone they didn’t know. What’s up with premarital sex? Does waiting make any sense? Do you lose something special once you give it up? Read on for a brief discussion of some of the advantages and disadvantages of engaging in premarital sex.
Since I’m not entirely sure I’ll be able to think of any advantages to waiting until marriage, let’s start with the disadvantages.
A hypothetical situation will help to illustrate this point. Jane and Jon have been dating for years. They are high school sweethearts and have decided to “wait” until they become man and wife. To pass the time and keep Jon from cheating on her with some “loose woman,” Jane decides that giving oral sex isn’t really sex so she’s stuck doing that for years. That’s bad enough!
The real problem that can arise is that of sexual incompatibility. Your partner might be into some really kinky and weird sex that you have no interest in. What if she only gets off by dressing you like a woman and then using a strap-on to screw you? What if his fetish is defecating on dolls followed by rough anal sex? Sure, these might sound a little off the wall, but there are some strange characters out there and you might be marrying one of them!
Worse yet, everything is perfectly normal between the two of you, but she can’t have an orgasm with you and you don’t even know it since you’re so inexperienced. The two of you just think that you lasting 2 minutes and her feeling a slight burning sensation down below is normal. Big, big problem. Especially when she realizes that there is good sex out there to be had, but she can only get it from her personal trainer at the gym. Goodbye marriage, hello orgasms.
Worst honeymoon ever
Imagine feeling like a searing poker is ripping apart your insides. Imagine having some sweaty, hairy guy lying on top of you (on top because I’m guessing that those who wait are usually not too creative with sexual positions). Furthermore, while few women actually “bleed” during their first sexual experience, some do and having bloody sheets does not make for that romantic special honeymoon that couples anticipate.
The anxiety from waiting might end up being what ruins the honeymoon. When he can’t get it up because of the pressure and she’s as dry as shredded wheat, your first night together is going to be an embarrassing, awful disaster.
Besides the fact that having sex is fun and feels good, doing it with your husband or wife to be before your honeymoon night will, overall, just make things more comfortable between the two of you and you won’t have to feel awkward getting naked together for the first time.
Does anything good come of waiting?
As for the advantages of waiting, there are the usual answers. For those who use religion to explain their reasons for waiting, they claim to have a spiritual connection because they waited until they got married before he stuck his wiener inside her. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. Who’s to say? If two people both wanted to wait believing that their honeymoon would be very special for them, it’s probably going to be a special moment for them, regardless of blood and a lack of orgasms.
One good thing that comes of waiting is not having to deal with each other’s sexual histories. No questions like, “How many people have you slept with?” with each person not knowing what number would be inappropriate. There’s also the awkwardness that accompanies running into an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend while with your new partner. They are inevitably imagining the two of you being intimate, but if you honestly weren’t, that’s a good thing.
The other common claim is that virginity is the most special gift you can give another person. If you both feel this way, perhaps this will be an important gift that you will share. However, what happens if one of you has already shared that special gift with someone else? Does that mean you don’t love your husband or wife enough? Or do we all get nine sex-lives where we get to give our virginity as a gift on more than one occasion?
Make up your own mind…
For a truly hilarious take on pre-marital sex, check out the Onion article, “Horribly Awkward First Sexual Encounter ‘Worth the Wait’ For Christian Newlyweds” (www.theonion.com). And for those of you interested in waiting that want to read about others like you, just do a search on the web and you’ll find that you’re not alone. Keep in mind, though, as a wise person once said, “it’s not premarital sex if you’re not planning on getting married!”